Comment on Is my girlfriend gaslighting me?
Contramuffin@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Not gaslighting, and from what you seem to describe, doesn’t appear to be manipulative either. She just seems to be angry. Not to say that you can’t be both angry and manipulative, but I don’t see clear intent for her to try to guilt trip or gaslight you.
Gaslighting would be if she lied and said that she sent you a message when in fact she didn’t. i.e., lying with the intent to make you question your judgment and perception
Guilt tripping would be if she pressured you into giving her a gift as compensation for ignoring her message. i.e., taking advantage of someone’s feelings of guilt to get them to do something for you.
I don’t see any lie, and I don’t see hee trying to extract anything out of you. Worst case interpretation, she’s being a bit petty. Best case interpretation, she’s scared of being alone outside.
I noticed your final paragraph, and I would be cautious in general about saying that someone who’s trying to convince you that their anger is justified is automatically manipulative. That’s kind of just how anger works. People think that their anger is justified. Otherwise they wouldn’t be angry. Manipulation occurs when you start to feel like you are being used for their own motives.
Either way, you should probably talk to her about it. It seems like she thinks the issue is more severe than you appear to think, and that is something that should be discussed with her
BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Standing by your bed while you’re asleep and berating you isn’t manipulative?
Nah, to needs to leave, now. No sense hanging around to see what this escalates to. Not worth putting in the effort for someone who’s demonstrated they need to grow up.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
This is absolutely manipulative.
andrewta@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Yeah this is manipulative as hell he needs to run like hell. Today. Not tomorrow.
AmidFuror@fedia.io 4 months ago
What about being overly dramatic in the comments section about someone else's minor spat with his girlfriend. Is that manipulative?
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Are you the gf? Do you know if they did? Or will?
Or are you just assuming?
I can’t know if OP is exaggerating or not, or if they’re going to or not. Yes that’s an assumption on my part.
As related, though, the behaviors described are heavily manipulative.
As related: she decided unilaterally when to have that conversation. And she decided to do it when OP was near-comatose in sleep. An altered state that being roused from does not contribute to reasonable conversation.
Walking away is fine, but it could have (and should have,) waited until the morning.
Now look at what she’s saying is the problem- he missed a text, but also wasn’t waiting to escort her downstairs. Ultimately- if this is legitimate on her part it’s “you don’t care about me”.
Now look at the fears she is expressing- that it’s literally unsafe to get dropped at the curb and walk in. While it’s certainly possible, the reality is that if it’s that unsafe, then asking what he’d do- and she jumps straight to killing?!
And the CCTV stuff- which OP has no realistic way of knowing or resolving.
Yeah; no. All of this is meant to put OP on the defensive, in a state that OP is not able to think clearly. As relayed it’s straight up manipulation, and if the most vile sort.