Them being trans doesnât mean that what they did to hurt you wasnât also abusive. Women - including trans women - are entirely capable of abuse.
I believe you. You deserved better.
Comment on Daily discussion thread: đ Saturday, May 11, 2024
StudChud@aussie.zone â¨1⊠â¨year⊠ago
So, I have a small guilty pleasure now: I downloaded tiktok and am loving all the videos with pets tbh.
But I watch one video by an Aussie lady about womenâs rights and whatnot, and now tiktok thinks thatâs all I want to watch. đ Like, 4b movement stuff, the rate of homicides, etc. Itâs interesting but like, also triggering of course. Iâm in the process of re-teaching the algorithm or whatever. But I also feel like I donât have a right to talk about my experience, not because of what theyâve said or anything like that. But because my abusive ex was male and male presenting for the VAST majority of our relationship, until the last 6 months where they only came out to me about being a tran-woman. So, like, theyâre part of this super marginalised group, having told their friends I was transphobic. I donât feel like I can talk about it with anyone (besidesy dad and my partner), without, like, playing into that lie they told. I believe they are, of course, trans, but also that they use it as an excuse to not take accountability for their heinous actions. That if I did file a police report, that Iâd be called transphobic and a false reporter. What a strange position to be in. Just needed to have a small ranty rant about it, because I havenât seen anyone else anywhere have, or talk about, an experience like mine without also being transphobic. I always feel like if I talk about it, if I donât use the right pronouns, or if I clarify âwell they were male, but are now femaleâ itâs about women-on-women DV. Which, it wasnât, but is it?
Ugh, just gonna keep saving up for a psych appointment and hopefully I can start feeling better about being in this tiny bubble of one.
Them being trans doesnât mean that what they did to hurt you wasnât also abusive. Women - including trans women - are entirely capable of abuse.
I believe you. You deserved better.
This is the problem with identity politics and only seeing a person through the lense of whatever group they are in.
Being a minority doesnât let you off the hook and in most cases certainly doesnât make you special.
Iâm more interested in what someone does rather than what they say they are.
DV absolutely occurs in queer/same sex relationships, and women absolutely do abuse partners. Dickheads come in every stripe and nobody is automatically exempt from being abusive due to their identity.
Police are pretty shit with DV/SA reports in general and thereâs no guarantee that a report would go anywhere. But if you felt you wanted to report there are LGBTIA+ liason officers now and if there were sexual offences you can talk to SOCIT.
Itâs really hard when your abuser is marginalised but it absolutely does happen, marginalized people can and do punch down on other people, and you have every right to talk about what was done to you. Youâre not going after her because sheâs trans. You were harmed by what she did, and struggling to even talk about it for fear of feeding into existing transphobic narratives.
Thornburywitch@aussie.zone â¨1⊠â¨year⊠ago
A dickhead is a dickhead, no matter what gender they are/were/present as. Bad behaviour/manners should be called out. Thereâs far too much victim blaming happening. Not a situation Iâve ever faced, so please take that for what its worth, if anything.
Force_majeure123@aussie.zone â¨1⊠â¨year⊠ago
Yup