A great case of those who think they are something only do so because they don’t realize how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Dunning Kruger of personality traits is very real.
Comment on most perverted men are actually very vanilla and run away when faced with a perverted woman
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I’ve met/dated/etc that’s described themself as a pervert or a freak or kinky, that’s a significant element of their personality?
They’re the absolute most boring and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually disgnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don’t consider myself ‘perverted’, just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average bear twink.
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world 2 days ago
This isn’t limited to sexual preferences, though. That’s just peacocking. People who like something for clout are often excessive in their bragging about it. The people who actually like a thing, sexual or otherwise, tend to integrate it and just enjoy that thing for themselves.
Unless you’re autistic, then everyone gets to know about it. But that’s noticeable too.
The difference is between saying, “I’m a freak in bed,” and “Let me tell you about this one super-niche part of the rope-play community and how it’s actually more of an art form than anything sexual.”
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Well see thats the thing.
I am autistic.
Autistic people tend to only info dump when its either a very low stakes, close to anonymous environment… or, when they actually really really trust or admire someone. In the latter case, the infodumping itself is a sign that they basically like you, are comfortable with you.
To me, normies that peacock most or all of their personality… they just think their masks are themselves. They seem to barely even be aware of what they are doing.
Whats actually happening is that really, only the mask actually exists.
Theres not very much underneath, beyond basically the mindset of an immature child/teenager.
And that kind of a person, frankly, is so mentally childlike, that at least to me, I can’t be turned on by or sexually attracted to that… they’re just a child in an adult body. They have too little self awareness and self understanding for me to view them as a responsible adult capable of giving informed consent.
StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I get you.
The day you realize that you’re more than your mask can be earth-shattering. I still remember mine, and it took me another decade to start learning what who I was behind it.
Paddzr@lemmy.world 3 days ago
It’s the laziness that’s the worst. Someone not putting any effort in is insulting.
0x0@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
The dead fish position.
AngryRobot@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Are you in the kink community? The girls i meet there are anything but vanilla.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
No.
To the best of my knowledge there just isn’t one, in or near my current location, pretty solidly red, conservative area, and back when I was in a bluer area… well frankly I didn’t have any need to join a community to try and find people interested in sex.
And/or if said community involves making something approximating a Facebook account, ahahaha fuck no, no I actually value Palantir and the NSA not knowing exactly who I’m fucking and precisely how.
AngryRobot@lemmy.world 3 days ago
A fetlife account is pretty much as anonymous as a Lemmy account. You might look up your area there and see what you can find. Living in a red area doesnt mean there aren’t kinky people. There ase plenty of right wing kinksters out there.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Well I’d prefer to avoid the right wing kinksters, but… fine. Fine, maybe the time has come to finally make a fetlife account… grumble grumble
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Depends on, some are extremely kinky/horny, some are just literal pickmes trying to better market themselves to what they think they will like. I knew one such pickme, se converted to fundamentalist christianity within a year.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Yeah, there does seem to a dynamic like that at play… a bunch of people just say shit about themselves, that they think will make other people like them.
It would be nice if people were actually self aware and honest, with both themselves and others, but apparently that isn’t the meta.
That being said… converting to fundamentalist Christianity?
That’s some legit insanity right there, either that or a person who is deeply insecure and needs validation/meaning imposed on them.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 days ago
TL;DR: She at one point thought if she were a trad wife, she wouldn’t have to work. Then I disassociated myself from her, so I don’t know where she stood next.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Ah, excellent motivation for reconfiguring your entire personality and life.
You dodged that bullet like an Agent in the Matrix, fuck.
A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 3 days ago
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Yeah. Yep. Basically that is what I’m talking about.
A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Yeah, I’m sharing my own personal anecdote backing up your statement.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Sorry, tone is somewhat difficult to convey via text sometimes… I am basically trying to sigh in acknowledgement/agreement witht you, lol.