Comment on Sorry, honey

• fonix232@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  No, not rape. Rape requires a lack of consent. Somnophilia by definition is explicitly consenting to your partner having sex with you while you're sleeping.

  This can be as little as e.g. waking them up with oral (yes, indeed, oral without consent is still rape! As nice as it sounds to "surprise" them, make sure they're okay with it first. Having had sex the previous night is NOT consent for any continued sexual activity once they fell asleep!), or going all the way to penetrative sex.

  But the most important aspect is, again, communication. You can communicate consent to a future event, and until that event happens, you can withdraw said consent at any time. And most definitely don't do it with a one night stand. This kind of consent requires a level of trust you build over time.

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  • Monument@piefed.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I have a sexual parasomnia - while this hasn’t happened in at least 15 years, I used to initiate sex while asleep. I have no memory of it, but I have groped, kissed, sucked on the fingers of people, and sexually touched people sleeping next to me.
    I’ve always woken up just before sex occurred, but I’ve accidentally had sex with people before - people who I was attracted to, but maybe didn’t want to bang - because we fell asleep together.

    These days I’m not nearly in as many beds as I used to be (regardless of purpose) but I’m also an incredibly light sleeper now. The slightest movement and my conscious brain takes over. (Yay for newly(ish) developed hyper vigilance and anxiety.)
    With that said, I don’t sleep next to anyone anymore unless we’ve had a conversation about what could happen, and are on the same page.

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  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I think I partially agree with aarkon. Somnophilia is just the fetish, and some people achieve it via cnc. But somno on its own isn’t consensual or not, it’s just the -philia, most people that talk about it just use it in the context of edgeplay and are sexually… Advanced.

    So Aarkon is right to say it’s basically a rape joke, but they’re also wrong. But also it’s an interesting consideration, because a) its basically kink shaming, b) is technically a correct statement, c) edgeplay, while technically fine in the right circumstances, should be self aware that it’s EDGEplay and not for everyone, d) since somno is a thing that does occur to people not consensually, it really is an insensitive joke that can be triggering.

    So, like I said directly to them saying it’s basically a rape joke: yes, but also no.

    I don’t think anybody is going to win here, because there’s no right answer that makes others wrong.

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    • fonix232@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      If you're adding somnophilia to a list of agreed to kinks then it's most definitely consensual.

      And if you do it without consent, it turns from link to rape. Period.

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      • Hacksaw@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        Yeah cnc isn’t about non consent… It’s about CONSENTING TO PRETENDING TO RAPE… Having sex with someone who is asleep who consented to that scenario isn’t cnc… It’s just consensual sex… Not even very kinky sex at that.

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      • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        100%

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• RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  You can consent to having sex while sleeping.

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• SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Yes but also no

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• AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I mean, it’s consensual if it was added to the list of things the girl promised, no?

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