Comment on She only wanted the ring bros
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 15 hours agoThat’s nonsense. Raising young kids is more work than most jobs, sure. But that’s not because it has equal work density. It’s an exhausting 20h/day 7d/week low-med effort task. A job is a 8-12h/day 5-6d/wk med-high energy task. Miss me with that 50/50 as soon as you come home crap. That’s a ridiculous goal. Not to mention you shouldn’t be wasting time making a mental accounting spreadsheet to figure out if your partner did enough work to deserve sex that day.
Ideally everyone should have put in the same effort into the day and both partners should have the same energy level going to bed. Some days you both fall asleep dead, knowing you’ll wake up in two hours with the baby crying. Some days you get to bed with a little extra energy and the baby is sleeping through the night and maybe you have to think of something to do with that extra energy.
It’s obvious you’ll have less sex with a tiny baby just from the exhaustion, but if you’re wasting energy resenting eachother because of low effort, unrealistic expectations, or withholding sex, then maybe y’all need to consider whether you need to work on your relationship or look for another one. Because some of what I’ve read in this thread on both sides sounds more exhausting than single parenting 50% of the time and working a full time job.
Completely anecdotal and privileged: my desk job was so much less dense than child care that going to work felt like a break when we had babies. Not to imply anything bad about anybody! But the mental accounting isn’t just unhealthy, it’s impossible because you don’t know how hard someone else’s subjective experience is.
The job wasn’t even good! It was galling and crushing. But at least I knew what was happening that day and could influence it somewhat.
You’ve completely misunderstood my intent.
I would never advocate withholding sex as punishment.
Men who think that they don’t have to do any chores or childcare after they’re done at work are the ones who should be putting in effort after they are getting home. Not because that’s how they earn sex, but because they are fathers and husbands.
ChexMax@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
This is a crazy take. My toddler is absolutely more work than any other job I’ve ever worked and I’ve done office work, physical labor, heck even childcare! If you give two shits about your kid, and follow modern childcare standards, childcare is a very taxing job. If you’re a crappy parent who just lets the kid eat fruit snacks and watch TV maybe it’s easier than whatever job the other parent has, but my husband works blue collar and we both agree that often my job is more taxing. He absolutely picks up 50% or more of the work when he comes home, and on weekends. When he burns out he gets a break, and when I burn out I get a break. We’re actually a team.
I want sex more than he does because I’m well taken care of, and he’s equally exhausted from helping. Literally cannot imagine saying no thanks if sex is on the table cause also, when a man is generous and equitable with his labor in life, that also spills over to how generous and equitable he is in bed.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 2 hours ago
I mean it looks like you two are living by the fall asleep with the same energy playbook so good work! At least you’re using some good tag team logic. I love the collaboration.