Happiness and unhappiness come from both internal and external sources. The problem is making yourself RELIANT on the external.
Comment on Anon is terminally lonely
interdimensional_sharts@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Yeah I’m not sure what to tell yall, but happiness comes from within. If you attach it to mental formations (i.e. “The only way I can be happy is with a boyfriend/girlfriend”), then you’re gonna have a bad time.
Shayeta@feddit.org 19 hours ago
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 day ago
Idk, I’ve never been happier than the six months I was dating this girl who’s sex drive was almost as high as mine. Never been able to get there on my own and the other aspects of my life have been way better since then. Sadly her mental health was a mess and that relationship didn’t last.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
You’d also be ‘happy’ if you did cocaine for those six months. You are confusing getting high from dopamine hits with happiness.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 13 hours ago
All happiness is just dopamine hits. It’s all stimulus and chemicals regardless of what’s triggering it.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
No, it’s not. Happiness is the action of self regulation. Happiness is choosing broccoli over a cookie because you know it is better for you.
Someone tied up to a machine being dosed by chemicals to ‘feel happy’ would not be happy. Just like drug addicts, and other addicts, who are constantly chasing highs, are not happy people. They are fucking miserable, forever chasing and defining their entire life by those dopamine hits.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 day ago
In my experience, having a constant companion has a positive feedback loop. People you can continuously interact with - joking, catching up, eating together, helping one another out, just Netflix’n’Chilling… it’s reaffirming.
But it is a loop. You don’t just wake up happy forever. There’s ups and downs. There’s psychical and emotional adjustments. You’re not immune to despair. You just have someone you can be glum around who - ideally - fills you in on the lows and rides with you for the highs.
If you’ve got a bunch of mental baggage going into a relationship, your partner (ideally) helps you unpack that shit and dispose of it. Or, at least, shows you their own baggage, so you know you’re not alone. It doesn’t just go away instantly, but over time you can put it behind you precisely because you’ve got someone else in your life affirming your own worth.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
I agree with all that, but I’ll also say that getting started fixing your issues first is a hugely valuable thing. If you haven’t it’s so easy to think love will solve all your problems while not even having the tools to deal with your own emotions and baggage.
You need people, we all do, and we deteriorate rapidly without people. But romantic relationships are really easy to screw up by being emotionally unhealthy