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Comment on Discussion Thread 🍩 Friday 26 September 2025

Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

Came down the beach on wed. for a break. P’s coming down today and I’m dreading it. Got a bit tense when I was leaving. Got into an argument w/ ol’ boy about ol’ girl, eating and how I need more help to keep weight stable. Basically turns into only me shopping, cooking (3 different things ugh) and turning the pressure up for her to eat more.

Got a call this morning from ol’ girl who was almost in tears. Took 3 days to go from 44.5kg to 41.5kg today. i’ve been able to keep it around 44-45 but the stress and strain on relationships to keep it there is becoming too much. When i leave it just plummets.

All I was asking was for ol’ boy to take more of an interest in calories otherwise we end up w/ exactly what happened here (again). He’s a useless cunt.

So I’m not quite sure what to do. It’s not as easy as saying get a dietician (has 2, they didn’t change anything I was trying to do), put her in for a bit of convalescence (that convo didn’t go well), or even get some in-house care (didn’t go down well either).

So now I have to try and swing it around (again). That means nagging her to eat more, only thing that’s ‘working’ atm, which is getting old.

The only thing that’ll help now is less refusal from ol’ girl, and more of an interest in keeping the diet chugging along from ol’ boy.

That has to come from them.

/rant.

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StudChud@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
So he won’t cook for his wife, who is wasting away, because why? It’s women work?

If he’s a traditional man who adheres to gender roles, then I would tell him “a man’s work is doing what needs to be done”. And he isn’t doing what needs to be done.

I’m sorry you’re suffering this as well. Managing all this by yourself with no help from your siblings is so fucking awful. I’m so sorry BR.

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melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Oh man. Look this might be a bit scary for mum, but would she consider a temporary nasal tube to help her with nutrition? You can run an automatic pump for a slow drip so she doesn’t have to worry about mouth pain or remembering to sip.

I get the sense that she’s not a fan of sweets but Ensure does come in a neutral flavour that could be mixed into coffee or soups. MCT oil is basically a medium chain coconut oil that may help with weight gain (but may have uncomfortable or embarrassing solids effects, I haven’t tried it).

She may need a review on her mouth pain, a check on why it’s not resolving and if it can be managed.

I’m so sorry that everything is falling on your shoulders and your old man won’t step up. I wonder if perhaps there could be a home carer to assist with the soup and reminding her to eat. (Or to make it with her if she insists on cooking.)

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- Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Have to thank you for suggesting the neutral ensure a while back. I think there’d be bigger problems without it. Life saver really.
  
  Mouth is one of the bigger problems. She’s been in to see a lot of specialists over the years for that. Unfortunately that ones tough.
  
  been putting animal fats in but didn’t think of duck fat. Will try that!
  
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  - melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Best of luck with it!
    
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Eagle@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You’ve been doing an absolutely incredible job keeping her well. But it does take a toll when it all falls to you. Convalescence/Respite doesn’t work for a lot of people, they see it as a threat to their independence so become more withdrawn. In my humble experience home based support (although some are reluctant for that too) works a little bit more because ‘normal’ people will lift their game when someone is coming into their home. And I don’t mean that your mum is not normal, I mean that most of the people I nurse in the community are not normal and they are happy for me to see them warts and all, and normal people will put in some effort because someone is looking in. Take some big deep breaths, tackle a big pruning job that will recover and sit under your weeping cherry to watch the petals rain down.

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- Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  become more withdrawn
  
  Yep that’s my guess what would happen here.
  
  And thank you kindly again for sharing your experience being in the field.
  
  I was hoping she would be more receptive to some home based care so we’ll try w/ that again.
  
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CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m curious to know what he’s eating?

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- Bottom_racer@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  For him generally on rotation is steak w/ veg etc, pastas, curries, stir fries etc. Not that hard to do, nothing new there. Problem is dude refuses to cook which would really help out. Ol’ girl is pretty much strictly soup. trying to find variations when everything is so limited (no spices, everything pureed) takes time. By the end of it I just can’t be fucked. When I hear ‘what’s for dinner’ from ol’ boy I die a little inside. Totally robbed any joy from cooking.
  
  Last 2 nights dins was genuinely excited for just a snag in bread lol.
  
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  - Catfish@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Fucking wow. Does this guy even like his wife? Sounds like forced care might be on the cards
    
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  - CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Wait, so who’s cooking those for him?
    
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  - melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    ‘what’s for dinner’
    
    This pisses me off (if he’s able bodied)… it sounds like he’s just expected her to do all of the cooking and stuff round the house, continued to illogically expect it even though she’s post surgery and very sick, and now has just comfortably shifted to expecting you to do it all.
    
    My disabled arse cooked for my family at 16 and in a sharehouse I was rostered on cooking for nine. I could do laundry at 12. I’m sure he can figure something out.
    
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SaneMartigan@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
This sounds a like a lot for you to handle.

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- melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Too much. I find often caring duties tend to get pushed onto one person and stubbornly stay that way. It’s a recipe for burnout.
  
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Gibsonhasafluffybutt@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m sorry you and your family are having such a hard time. It sounds like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, and the help has to come from your old man.

It’s a tough situation and I hope things get better soon mate ❤️

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