Comment on [deleted]
TheFlopster@lemmy.world 4 days ago
My biggest problems here are the phrases “no objections” and “evolve”.
“No objections” is unhealthily controlling. You absolutely can object, and it’s gross that he seems to think you can’t.
“Evolve” makes it sound like people who don’t go on dates are somehow not as human as the rest of society, and are not doing what they’re “supposed” to be doing. I don’t like that either. It strikes me as being in the same vein as how you’re “supposed” to be heterosexual, and get married, and have children. Because that’s what “normal” humans do.
If those two phrases weren’t in the response, I’d find the situation weird, but not overall objectionable.
It’s your dad’s attitude toward you that feels wrong, not the date itself.
Maybe not the best word choices. But I don’t think they’re problems without knowing more about their relationship. Sometimes parenting you have to be hard and direct. You don’t always give choices, now I know they are 22 and that makes it a little weird. But parenting doesn’t exactly stop when someone turns 18.
And “evolve” wouldn’t have been so strange if it were replaced with “grow”. It sounds more like “push yourself out of your comfort zone.”
Well maybe not. The “no objections” is just him setting him up to give it a shot and not wussing out. And the “evolve”… not sure about you guys but I’m significantly different than I was at 22….
I’m not super fond of the phrasing either but I think his heart is in the right place.
While I understand your point, I think it’s unwise to read too much into the language very close people may use. I have forever called my wife “Gorda” which is “Chubby” in English even thought she is not and has never been chubby, it’s a nickname she loves.
Same with my son and daughter, we have all sorts of pet names and inside joke language which won’t be understood by anyone outside of our circle without explanation.
Ultimately, language is no different from physical contact… I rough house my grown kid to show him love (and probably to see if I still have it hahahaha) but I’d never dare do that at work (very on the nose example, but you get my point I hope)
i think “no objections” is a bit tongue-in-cheek maybe, or at least that’s how i use the phrase. like if you say “let’s go on a trip and have fun, no objections” :P they can obviously object, but it’s a figure of speech that they shouldn’t object because you think it’s fine or sth. maybe that’s a matter of dialect and local slang though :D
fair points. I kind of like them just because of the context that the kid has been complaining about being single. I feel like I did that one time before I realized that people don’t give you other people to date. or if they do, that’s actually weird. but I think being told to evolve was even gentler than the language that was used to communicate to me that I needed to grow and be a person who anyone would want to be alone with (let alone date).
As a father of sons who are nearly undatable, I would like to offer some thought.
The father here is probably worried for his sons future and happiness. He didn’t set up a date for no reason.
His choice of words are not awesome, but I understand being exhausted by ones progeny. Without an understanding of the relationship, making a judgement is a wild shot in the dark.
If OP wants to bail out of the date, they will. I would qualify this as weird but so is eating sushi, it is still good though.
My guess of “no objections” is that the girl is experiencing a date, it’s not cool to stand people up.
KumaSudosa@feddit.dk 4 days ago
There’s nothing wrong with pressuring your loved ones a bit - especially as a parent. I read it in a loving, paternal tone rather than a demanding, controlling one. Of course, if it was literal it’d be problematic.
The guy is complaining about not being able to find girls - so I wouldn’t read too much into it either.
Well, I don’t see the flags anyway. We don’t know these two people or what their relationship is like.