These types of comments is why I conseder lemmy to be the best of social media.
Comment on Sloth Demon
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org 3 days agoTo answer your question, yes, they are draining.
Why? Well you are living with another, who was not raised like you, live like you, or grew like you. Completely different and in each of these minutiae of differences you can find issues. Essentially it works in tandem with expectations and why they are still wanted.
It gives you emotional comfort, it gives you physical comfort, and above all else you start to form a union. Something so uniequely both of you that you have changed and so have they, in ways you couldn’t imagine alone.
It is your parent and your child. Someone you will care for, and someone who will care for you. It keeps you grounded from flying to high, keeps your mind to consider someone before yourself.
The benefit is the world becoming dominable, while nothing has really changed. A partner is a helicopter parent because you tell them who you are and what you want, they just remind you of your own expectations and keep you faithful to it.
They are just a mirror of your own wants, needs, and wishes. So it is your own actions and words that will reflect.
If it is draining, it is because you have not interacted enough with the world to realize you are always being drained. Finding something of meaning to pour into becomes fantastically magical. Suddenly you are no longer drained, it is a willful action to pour and be captured by a vessel of your choosing.
lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 3 days ago
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
Oh, I think there’s a misunderstanding, I wasn’t referring to relationships in general, only the ones where one of the partners is expected/insists on doing all of the household/caretaking tasks by themselves, those I find overbearing and draining.
Relationships overall, quite the contrary! I generally find them fulfilling, although I show a tendency to seek familiarity, which means unhealthy dynamics and, frequently, unpleasant endings… That’s 75% on me and my still-mending patterns (because I am aware there are many manipulators who specifically seek out their targets).
And I don’t find the world in general draining, either! What drains me is hate, greed, bigotry, xenophobia of all shapes and sizes, everything driving some of our species to commit horrible acts. But to say that the world in general drains me is to be unfair to the myriad people who are beacons of wisdom, who have that particular spark which lights up a whole room, those who can see even the tiniest details and set them into wonderfully intricate webs of causality!
Not just that, but the world itself is wondrous! I cannot but feel recharged when I see a starry night sky, or a warm summer sunset, sit and listen to the waves crashing against the shore, or just lose myself for hours in meditation listening to rain pattering over everything around me!
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org 3 days ago
It fills me to the brim to know you can see the way your cup fills at the marvel of our stars, at the patience within your meditation.
Relationships like this can be draining because you wish to compensate or match somehow. So it creates almost a directionless frustration of inadequacy.
It is how I felt when my love would work 2 jobs and I had so much time and couldn’t really do chores because of my upbringing. Making it a threshold I had to cross as an adult.
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
Ooh, I wouldn’t consider that a parent-partner type of relationship, sounds like there were some solid reasons for that unbalanced distribution! At least, that’s how I would see it, with the context of my upbringing having left me with several deficiencies in other areas of my psyche. They can be hard thresholds to cross, objectively speaking.
As for the frustration, as I understand it from this context, it was generated not by being coddled/babied., but by wanting and being unable. To me, it all comes down to intent. If a person wants to [something] but they can’t [something] due to stuff like health issues (physical or psychological), then that’s a completely different type of situation, it’s part of those objective incapacitators which I’ve mentioned in my initial comment.
To me, this is perfectly understandable and acceptable as long as it’s clear to me that my partner truly wants to try to rebalance everything. It’s when these types of blockers are constantly being used as an excuse, yet nothing is done to try to get through them that I see as a problem, because it basically means said person isn’t interested in participating from the start.
Either way, I’m sorry you had to go through that… I know how difficult it can be to want to do something, but to not be allowed to do so by our own brain…
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org 2 days ago
Your words are kind and sweet. Thank you.
It does always come down to want as cause for any suffering.