It is not linked to the past, it is a rejection trauma.
It is considered normal in our societies to be with someone. And as a man, you are culturally expected to be able to find a woman, and you are responsible for it. If you are a single man, it is because you choose it or because you’re a failed man. The media like to talk about how you now have sex at 11 and how men have many relationships. When you’re still virgin at 18, you already feel like a miserable failure. And the longer it goes, the harder it become. For some men they don’t even need to be virgin, they may have had their first relationship by luck.
Then came #metoo. Many men discovered how hard women had it because of men. And this broke something: before, when you were bad with women, you merely had to man up. There was only one model for men, but it was there. After metoo, this model was broken. Now men are completely helpless.
This second point is reinforced politically by the fact that the left spend a lot of time to talk about women problems, but never talks about how men should be to be successful with women. You have feminist movements spreading hatred against all men, and this is also hard. When communication makes it like all men are assholes and can’t behave with women, but no one tells you how you should do instead, you just feel attacked and helpless.
With that, these men are completely destroyed. Suicide is an option an this point. But hatred is another one. And fascism lives out of hatred. But fascism came later. First there was hatred as an exit of this situation for the desperate men: it’s not their fault, it’s women fault. That’s only the only way you can go out of the misery. And with hatred, you can start to blame them for everything that’s happening. You’re single because the women are stupid and prefer the machist men. And feminism is a fraud.
And oh boy do fascists love this situation! Now they can easily radicalise you because you already did the job. Because the progressive left abandoned these men, the fascists gladly took the opportunity. And you now have a strategy and a market around this.
Not all men fall for this. But the pain and hardship is shared by many men nonetheless. The problem is societal: there is no counter-model to the one old toxic one that’s been discarded by #metoo. You can’t merely make your own model, because the point is to be attractive to women. Which means it actually is a problem for women too. But the progressists unfortunately forgot those men in their fights for the rights of the sexual minorities and the women, so these men are alone.
As a man, you no have 3 solutions : you are lucky enough to be with a woman already ; you embrace the toxic masculinity of the fascists ; or you’re left alone in a no man’s land of solitude and despair. The incels are the men going from the 3rd to the 2nd category.
Society is changing. The process will take time with highs and lows. We’re getting into a low with this problem, and we’ll go to a new high when we will have fixed it. But for now, incels will be the symptom of the failure to include men in feminism.
Chetzemoka@startrek.website 1 year ago
Feminism does not exclude men.
What?
WHAT?
How can you think so poorly of men, to believe their only purpose in life in finding a sex partner, and blame feminism for anything? Maybe learn to respect yourself.
bouh@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I hope you realize that this very message of yours is asking men to man up and stop complaining. You are hereby promoting toxic masculinity.
WldFyre@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Nice buzzwords in response to them calling out total gibberish, I’m convinced!
Chetzemoka@startrek.website 1 year ago
Lmfao, if you’re not capable of seeing the gulf of difference between “hey man, never express any emotion ever” and “hey adult, take some responsibility for your feelings and work on yourself” then I can’t help you.
bouh@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I don’t need the help of someone who doesn’t want to understand.
And you know what? That’s exactly the problem incels face: the only people trying to help them are like them, so mostly unable to help, and fascists, your enemy and mine.
But keep growing the ranks of your enemies. It’s not like if fascism was at our doorsteps…
bouh@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Maybe some people want romantic relationships.
Women fought to have the lives of men: a public, non romantic life, and that’s an excellent thing.
Many men today want romantic relationships. How is this a bad thing? What kind of monster are you to say that a man should suck it up and forget any idea of intimacy or romantic relationship with a woman?
This is exactly the reason why these people turn incels or machists. And you’re not worth more than them.
I don’t blame feminism. I don’t blame the left. I point at their shortcomings. You can’t build a world of equality of you don’t include men.
The future is together.
Chetzemoka@startrek.website 1 year ago
It’s fine to want a romantic relationship. But if anyone - man or woman or anything in between - defines their entire self-worth on that one single thing, then they’re going to have a very bad time in life. Relationships end. People die. If the only thing you can see yourself as is the partner to another person and you lose (or can’t get) that other person, then you’re lost.
Work on being whole yourself and defining your value to and for your own self. Work, art, skilled hobbies, charity, friends, family. All of these things can provide value to your community. Find self worth outside of romantic relationships is the best advice for anyone in the world, even people who are currently in romantic relationships.
thenightisdark@lemmy.world 1 year ago
What you call lost is the very definition of human.
Looking for a relationship is not lost it is the most human thing to do.
What is more human than finding another human to procreate with?
optissima@possumpat.io 1 year ago
Read some feminist theory then.
bouh@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Or maybe try to understand the people around you instead of diabolizing them.