if only SDI’s weren’t a thing, polycules would be great….
but, i’d rather be single than have to deal with pustules on my genitals for life….
….
i bet they’d all be cured by now if idiots didn’t see it as some divine retribution….
Comment on sus
WhiteRabbit_33@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
There are a lot of different types of poly relationship structures and different names for them. The base unit of relationship is a standard couple where 2 people are together. Add another person in and they can either be in a relationship with only one of those people and form a “hinge” aka “V” or be in a relationship with both of those people and form a “triad” aka “throuple”. As many people as those involved consent to can be added this way.
Most of the time it’s one person who is in a relationship with multiple people who are each in relationships with multiple people. This forms a “polycule”. Where you have the people you’re in relationships with aka your “paramours” and they have the people they’re in relationships with aka your “metamours”. This group of relationships can take many forms and can be drawn out into a cool diagram like a molecule, hence the name polycule.
The people you’re in a relationship with can break up with you like in any other relationship and vice versa. It’s more complicated when you add in housing situations if you’re all living together, multiple people are all dating each other, or if two people are married.
Using one of my breakups as an example:
I’ve been in a triad where one person broke up with the other. I was then put in the middle of their breakup drama. I set a boundary of not wanting to deal with their drama/shit talking of the other. One of them kept breaking that boundary, so I broke up with that person while still being in a relationship with the other. Luckily I was living with the person I stayed with or that would’ve been way more complicated.
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Gurei@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Yeah, anyone practicing safely can avoid that issue.
WhiteRabbit_33@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yep, this is exactly it. Practice safe sex, get on PrEP for HIV prevention, talk about testing and status with any potential sexual partners in or out of the polycule, and get tested every 3-6 months.
Hugin@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah. My polycule is small but my friend is in a big multinational one. They have a google doc spreadsheet with STD results and sexual relationship tracking (fluid bonded, barriers, etc).
Gurei@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Yup! And if that’s too much of an ask, interrelationship dynamics are probably too much of a ask as well!
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
yes because you can absolutely trust and guarantee safety amongst everyone in your polycule, and because you can totally be safe from STI’s that are transmitted by skin contact….
you can be safer, but not safe
YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah it’s better to just be alone forever. Isolation smisolation
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
You know we can test for those things now, right? As long as everyone remains faithful to their partners its not an issue.
If 300 people all get tested and are clean, they can all get together every night for a massive orgy and there is zero STI risk. As long as none of them sleep with anyone outside of the group that hasn’t been tested.
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
you can’t just test for these things without symptoms.
most of these diseases have dormant phases and active phases… like a cold sore….Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
I don’t know how healthcare works where you live, but here you can. Its free, no questions asked. Get the results a couple of weeks later.
CidVicious@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Er? You absolutely can do an STI screen without symptoms. Some of the most common STIs don’t even usually have symptoms.
ImmersiveMatthew@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I am unsure if that is completely true as my past experience in the lifestyle was that everyone was very on top of regular STD (think you meant this not SDI) testing and safe sex practices to protect all involved, whereas normal dating there is a lot less of that plus secret polycules you are not even aware you are in (cheating). Not seen a study on this but this was my observation at least.
Hugin@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah my fluid bonded girlfriend had a condom break with her other boyfriend. So she just told me and we switched to condoms until she could get retested. No big deal.
If we hadn’t been poly it would either have been a I cheated on you conversation or worse she exposed my to possible STD without my consent.
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
STI… but the problems with people cheating are present in polycules or any other relationship…
people lie and cheat….i’m not saying they’re completely bad and nobody should ever do it (sorry downvoters, you have my blessings), it’s just the kind of thing that concerns me in these scenarios….
afaik, people tend to do things like get herpes, not tell anyone, and tell people it’s not even worth tripping over… just a lil herpes…
and as long as your polycule isn’t a closed loop, it’s essentially infinitely large….
YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Personally I would never be in a relationship with someone who would do that but i am pretty picky with very firm boundaries.
ImmersiveMatthew@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
STI you are correct. I realized this earlier when I was reading reading. I will fix.
pupbiru@aussie.zone 3 weeks ago
STIs are all curable, treatable, or preventable
andros_rex@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Herpes can be spread, even with condoms. Often asymptomatic, also so common/with a test that is also so prone to false positives that they don’t test for it in most panels.
PREP, PEP, and doxyPREP are great things. There should also be no stigma around STI’s - a large chunk of adults get one at some point in their lives. Trich or HPV I think the vast majority of people don’t even know.
The big thing is that everyone should be an adult and open/honest about their risks and tolerances. The more partners you have, the more likely a condom is to break or something is to go wrong. There’s a balance in all things.
pupbiru@aussie.zone 2 weeks ago
that’s a much more reasonable way of putting it that i did, yes, thank you
frezik@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
As someone in a polycule, that could very soon not be true.
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
that is grossly oversimplifying things
pupbiru@aussie.zone 2 weeks ago
would you like to elaborate?
because
- HIV is preventable through PrEP
- gonorrhoea is curable with antibiotics
- syphilis is curable with antibiotics
- chlamydia is curable with antibiotics
- mgen is curable with antibiotics
- many of the above are preventable with DoxyPEP
- herpes is treatable
- HPV is preventable through vaccination
damnedfurry@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Watch out for those sexually dransmitted illnesses
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Don’t be a grammar Elon
xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
people really hate typos
CommissarVulpin@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Man I can’t even form a diatomic bond and y’all mfs getting polysaccharides and shit
jecxjo@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
I dated a free radical once. Nothing but broken bonds left in her wake.
frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I thought myself noble, a gas at social gatherings. But, always ended up alone. As if I had a shell that kept people out.