HonkTonkWoman
@HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee
- Comment on Too soon? 1 week ago:
Big fan of this person, who looks like they died in the middle of birthing the three stooges…
- Comment on joyous skittering of the least-bird 1 week ago:
Same here! Billy Madison really fucked my perspective on penguin sizes. penguing
- Comment on It's time to let go 3 weeks ago:
I still have a FireWire 400 to DV cable.
I no longer have a DV Camera or a FireWire 400 port, but I’m keeping that damn cable.
- Comment on I wish to give this many fucks 4 weeks ago:
Ah, I see you know your combustion well.
- Comment on New Scam: Asking to download Signal/Telegram? 5 weeks ago:
I had this happen with a musician I follow. They did a series of live streaming pandemic shows & after one of those, the “musician” contacted me asking me to message them on Telegram.
Profile pic was a screenshot of the musicians’ facebook profile pic & the account details were sparse.
Not sure what the scam was, it wasn’t a very convincing attempt.
- Comment on At least they're not yeeting a baby at it 5 weeks ago:
It means exactly what you’re afraid it means… US Southerners have a strange desire to expose their genitalia in public settings.
- Comment on At least they're not yeeting a baby at it 5 weeks ago:
Way too many clothes for Florida, much less the southern United States, just entirely too many clothes altogether.
The distinct lack of a visible tallywhacker should lead most to correctly assume this image is, in fact, artificially intelligent. If that trait is not as obvious, maybe the absence of alligators & crystal meth will serve as triggers to unlocking this truth.
- Comment on C O L O N I Z E 1 month ago:
Toilet mushrooms go great with crotch fries, they really bring out that tanginess.
- Comment on Tell me 1 month ago:
Aww, that’s a shame! The kid I was hanging out with became one of my best friends & still is.
And their dog was always glad to see me…
- Comment on Tell me 1 month ago:
I did this to a friend, no idea how high up their “weird dinner shit” list this sits.
I was in kindergarten when I got invited over to stay over & the mom served broccoli.
I hate broccoli.
I tried ignoring the broccoli, no dice. I tried telling the mom I was allergic, no dice. I tried trading in the broccoli for more bread, no dice…
Out of options, I begrudgingly ate a piece & knew immediately I couldn’t stomach another, so I did the only logical thing an illogical kindergartner knew to do….
I stuffed the broccoli in the couch cushions…
Yes, I got caught. Their dog sniffed out my stash.
- Comment on I think an intern helps them tie their shoes too 1 month ago:
The worst part is, they never learn… it’s always the same damn questions, every damn time.
- Comment on Artificial aneurysm 4 months ago:
Cracker Bargel.
- Comment on McFindOut 5 months ago:
It’s late September in nowhere important. Weather’s gone stale. It’s humid, outright sticky.
The local chucklefucks lost their big homecoming chucklefuck match and the world feels a little bit smaller right now.
Around 2:30am, the 24 hour McD’s that sits on the edge of town has turned into its weekly staggering, stinking mess.
Someone’s drinking that orange hi-C mess like diabetes is a myth. Unfortunately they forgot they puked in the parking lot & that scope does not mix well with Orange Hi-C.
They pass by on the way to bathroom, burping up a minty bouquet with notes of Malibu, SoCo, Busch Light, & Blackberry Mad Dog 20/20.
Someone else has fallen asleep while ordering at the only functioning kiosk.
Someone else is adding food to the sleeper’s order…
And then there’s McKayakeleigyh….
She just wants a fuckin’ McFlursh with MMMMs.
She’s been sayin as much for the last thirty minutes. She already ate her nuggets and now she cain’t leave without mcflurrsshy.
As the manager informs our hero, for the 7th time, that the McFlurry machine is broken, McKayakeleigyh interjects:
“fuckin’ feeiixit”
“It’s broken, it needs a ne…”
“ffffFffFFFFFEEEEUUUHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXTTT”
The manager clutches desperately for the storewide channel currently open on the shoulder mic…
“schkkt You’ve prepared for this. Trust your training… CODE VIRAL!!! WE GOIN VIRAL Y’ALL!!!… ARCH. UP. BITCHES.”
- Comment on Let's all be thankful. 5 months ago:
- Comment on Best of both worlds 6 months ago:
Long time ago there was a drawing of a cat, mapping out the different portions of a cat, like a butcher’s diagram, but…
The cat had an S-Video port for a butthole.
I don’t know why it had an s-video poopchute & I can’t seem to locate the image, but…
If you google “cat with s-video butt” the Animaniacs logo is a top result.
For some reason, that seems fitting.
- Comment on Think anyone would notice? 6 months ago:
And don’t forget, these aren’t normal gators…
These are meth-fueled Florida gators who are as likely to ban books as they are maul a skier.
The Alps won’t know what hit ‘em.
- Comment on Eatin good tonight 7 months ago: