“What you can offer” certainly includes the fruits/expressions of your personality, so I assume you mean either your money (if you’re a dude) or your body (if you’re a lady). The usual way has always been to interact thoroughly with the other person without giving much/any of these things and seeing where things are in some weeks/months time. “Making him wait”, like grandma said. Some people are good liars and plan long-term but, except for these sociopaths, this method usually works.
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Submitted 3 weeks ago by waltzingintherain@sopuli.xyz to [deleted]
Comments
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Dang. Now you got me wondering.
Why do we like anyone? And is our entire concept of a true friend only based on which qualities society has deemed shallow vs sincere?
Am I just using my friends for their interesting conversation, witty jokes, and ability to play video games with me? If it wasn’t for any of those qualities, would I even want to hang out with them?
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Using? Human beings are social animals, just bringing your natural ‘good vibes’ is enough for most people to feel they’ve been ‘repaid’, lol. And you probably wouldn’t but that just means that the world is a big place and that people have different interests. You wouldn’t hang out with someone into sports, perhaps, but it doesn’t mean they cannot be good people, right? Deeper connections just require more commonalities, of course.
I didn’t understand the first part but depth/shallowness are ‘hard labels’ for something that exists as a spectrum, but it’s a real one, not just one dependant on ‘society’. Well, I think, at least.
foggy@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If you wanna know look into optimal self distinctiveness. Its a framework in group social psychology that seeka to explain why we might be slightly different versions of ourselves within different groups, and what this says about an individuals need for ‘fitting in’ can do to modify their behaviors or preferences.
peteyestee@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
It kind of sounds like you need a purpose for your life and you just kind of floating or existing.
This is all easier said than done, but sometimes you need to be alone and to learn who you really are and your authentic purpose. Most people just escape reality through pop cultures and never know who they really are, they just know the life path marketing and social trends led them down.
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
You don’t, it’s a leap of faith.
razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
Observe how they treat people who they don’t benefit from in financial, sexual, or other material ways. Don’t rush to be too generous with them.
peteyestee@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
The never try to control you or manipulate you.
Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Observe their interactions with other people and what their motivations seem to be. For instance, I have a friend who likes hanging out with people who are entertaining, but if it’s someone who has something additional to offer him - people who stream and have a larger audience, women, people who might donate to him - he seems particularly excited even when there’s nothing about their personality that would seem to lead to that. So, does he like me for me? Probably because I don’t have a lot to offer him. But does he really like this one streamer with 50x as many subs as he has? Probably just because he wants to use them to boost his own profile.
Nemo@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
What distinction are you making, here? Everybody seems, to me, to be a black box that only relates to others through their inputs and outputs. How else can I like someone, if not by what they put into the world?
Flickerby@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
When you lose “what you can offer” and they still stick by you. Which you won’t know until it happens so it’s pretty much a crapshoot. Listen to your heart but your cold hard unforgiving brain should feature in the conversation as well.
Uff@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
They are a man
floo@retrolemmy.com 3 weeks ago
Because I have nothing to offer