Customer; I need you to do XYZ PDQ Me: unfortunately the request you are making is not possible. However, I can do ABC instead. Customer: Forester is stupid and won’t help me.
I'll get right on that
Submitted 9 months ago by Forester@yiffit.net to [deleted]
https://yiffit.net/pictrs/image/51352e6c-bb4c-4ee5-b1e2-b650685c0ac9.jpeg
Comments
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
pacmondo@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Yes, you’re correct, customer. The more likely answer is not that I am telling the truth, it is that I get off on being willfully obstinate and making up for problems. I’m out to get you.
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
The truth is I just enjoy wasting your time and my time. I don’t care about my metrics. It’s not tied to my bonus or anything.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Me: “good luck, dumbfuck!” click
I have a… unique approach to customer reception and service. Almost all the time, the customer is wrong. Not my fault the dumbfucks are dumbfucks…
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
So are you the CEOs son or daughter?
Bytemeister@lemmy.world 9 months ago
If your whole project hinges on changes to your IT… FFS, tell us about it before you need the work done, not 2 days afterwards.
IT does not stand for “Inherently Telepathic”.
Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 9 months ago
3 decades behind the phone has taught me this one thing: Let them vent, they’re not mad at you.
Also: Some people simply cannot be helped.
Quill7513@slrpnk.net 9 months ago
You can actually get yourself out of the prerecorded script and into actual problem solving if you list all the things you did, yell a little bit, and then say you’re not yelling at the technician you’re just frustrated by their company. Guess what!? They hate their company too
Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 9 months ago
This is incorrect. On your first call to nearly any customer service you are getting a script reading grunt that literally will lose their job if they go off script.
You will need to go through the script regardless.
What the ACTUAL trick is convincing the script reading grunt that this is critical enough to escalate to a tier2 helpdesk rep.
THAT’S when the real actual problem solving happens.
Not yelling at all is a good step, an even better step is to open immediately with “Hey I know it’s not your fault, and you just work there, but I’ve been tearing my hair out over this for blah blah blah.”
dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Wait, you guys have self respect?
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
If we say any of these things, we are telling you to fuck off.
Unfortunately…
I trust this clarifies matters.
I regret to note that…
While I am sympathetic to your situation…
I urge you to trust our expertise and experience.
What you propose has merit but is sadly unworkable.
ZarkleFarkle@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Tell them you turned it off and unplugged it when you actually didn’t, just to troll them. Don’t worry, IT guys love that sort of humour. You can tickle them a little bit while they glance over your screen as well.
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
Thankfully my customers don’t have physical access to the servers. But I have told somebody to pull the power plug out of the wall and read me the serial number on it once to force them to power off.
Donebrach@lemmy.world 9 months ago
As someone on the other end of this, it’s incredibly frustrating when tickets are submitted, detailed issues provided, and then nothing happens for weeks only to be met with an “are you still having that problem we didn’t fix?” Reply then asking for all the information present in the ticket, only to have the problem continue to not be fixed. No, it is not a use error when Adobe can’t validate an enterpise license or teams cannot make a voice call without crashing.
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
If they’re asking that it means that they tried to replicate it and they couldn’t replicate it.
Gonzako@lemmy.world 9 months ago
another thing, don’t append everything with “It’s very urgent we need it fixed now” because you’ll get put in the not listen to list
Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 9 months ago
There are probably less than 5 emails in our internal helpdesk queue this month that WEREN’T marked as urgent.
Urgent problems this month include: ‘The glare from my kitchen window washes out my laptop screen’, ‘How do I change the color of my folders icon?’ and ‘Client reports hearing faint mumbling from their org’s landing page’
I handled the last one personally, she had a forgotten tab with a looping podcast playing on very low for the last few days.
When EVERYTHING is urgent, NOTHING is urgent.
lightnegative@lemmy.world 9 months ago
“will the company go out of business if this isn’t fixed in the next hour?”
Litmus test for urgency
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
Urgently do the needful
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
Since you did reply to me, I’m going to reply to this chain to prompt you to reply quicker. Please do the needful urgently
adespoton@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
I love that phrase. Because it lets me decide what’s needful. Sometimes it’s my lunch or catching up on the news.
Forester@yiffit.net 9 months ago
HELP!!¡!!!¡!!! ME!!!
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 9 months ago
have one user that every subject is help, sequels get ! appended.
Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 9 months ago
COMPUTER IS BROKE!11!!!11one!
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Tonight I dine on turtle soup!