Comment on It's important
x00za@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
When somebody is going trough a mental crisis, I also shun them into loneliness. I only want good vibes! /s
The only thing that matters between friends is real vibes, like truth, respect and understanding of pain. Sometimes we do indeed have to set up a boundary, but not in the general sense as this Twitter quote claims. There is no black and white, and kicking people away for going trough a hard time is not healthy in the long run whatsoever.
Just because I want to die doesn’t mean I should drag friends and family down with me
Stressing them the hell out about my well-being just makes life worse for them and piles guilt on me
If/when I do kill myself I want none of them to know it was acutely that bad because then no one can blame themselves for not doing anything to stop it
Letting anyone that close to me would purely be doing them a massive disservice
My brother killed himself. I wish he actually had talked with the people around him. I talked to him everyday and I didn’t even know he was feeling that way.
Yeah, I know my view of reality isn’t accurate. Doesn’t make things easier to handle but it’s why I’m still handling them. At the worst of times I’m just living for the sake of other people which while it keeps me here can also be really frustrating – it’s like other people are holding themselves hostage against my nonexistence. I do talk about it with some friends that are already that close. I honestly kind of credit one of them with saving my life in June, though she doesn’t know it. It just feels like life keeps pulling blocks from the jenga tower that I am and there’s not many left before I collapse.
I just keep editing this comment trying to make it more positive and it keeps backfiring, sorry.
You don’t have to. It’s exactly the point I was trying to make.
Anyways, I feel for you. But I often recommend going out and hanging out with friends over professional help. Nothing ever gets better if we wait for it.
I’m sorry I can’t really help you.
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
“Going through a mental crisis” doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re treating your friends like shit. If you treat your friends like shit, and that drives them away, whose fault is that?
There are, of course, exceptions, but those have to be people whom I care for and love very, very much. And even then, if the toxicity is too damaging to my own mental health, I have to cut them off for my own good. At the end of the day, all human relations rely on a cost/benefit analysis. If I’m losing more than I’m gaining from this relationship, why should I continue it?
I also don’t think you’re doing that person any favors by ignoring their bad behavior.
x00za@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
I would drop a person that thinks like this in an instant.
Nobody said anything about ignoring. People can help people, yet lately they only think of themselves.
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Would you really maintain a relationship with somebody who made you unhappy? Somebody who abused you? Somebody who didn’t respect you? And if so, why?
Why “lately”?
It’s not only thinking of yourself. It’s thinking about yourself and the people who aren’t fucking you up. If somebody has a history of toxic behavior, then you have to take that into account. If you let that affect you, you’re A) harming yourself and B) are less able to help the people who actually do love you and respect you.
x00za@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Ah, so you’re including abuse. Well abuse is a no go ofcourse. All the rest is just something you’ll have to live with and first reflect upon yourself. If somebody suddenly respects you less, maybe you’re not being respectful either. Regarding the unhappy argument. I find that extremely selfish. My friends are not MEANT to make me happy. They are meant to be there when I’m unhappy. Sometimes they’ll have to “make me unhappy” to make me realize my mistakes. That’s what friendship is all about. If somebody drops you for being at your worst, they are worse.
superkret@feddit.org 2 months ago
Textbook description of narcissism.
Spacehooks@reddthat.com 2 months ago
Relationships are like bank accounts. If there is an imbalance there is going to hard feelings from one side. Accepting a bad deal leads to someone being a victim or worst forcing others to suffer by choices they didn’t make. It’s not narcissistic to leave a cheating/inattentive partner.
superkret@feddit.org 2 months ago
No, it’s not.
But that is.