Comment on I've heard it clears up again after the first wave of divorces

bouldering_barista@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I find it much easier!

  • People are less shy
  • They have more experience
  • They know better what they are looking for
  • Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
  • People are much more chill about sex matters
  • Their romantic histories are quite telling
  • Most people have their own place
  • Careers are mostly stable

  /

  Cons

  • Much smaller dating pool
  • Many have kids already
  • More difficult to make friends/meet people in general

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  • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    speak for yourself. i have found dating as a 30+ adult to be way more dramatic and miserable than it was in my 20s.

    nobody in my 20s was having a temper tantrum at dinner because the restaurant isn’t expensive enough for their ‘brand’.

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    • Doesntpostmuch@possumpat.io ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      This sounds like one very specific date

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      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        nah it’s multiple dates. it’s also a common attitude that men need to ‘impress’ dates by spending a lot at restaurants otherwise they ‘devalue’ a woman.

        basically a lot of people see dating as prostitution with extra steps.

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    • Dkarma@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Try dating someone who is mentally in their 30s too.

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  • MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    • Many have kids already

    Why is that a con?

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    • BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      It introduces more factors to consider. One, the kids will be involved in the relationship, so that’s more people that have to get along well. Two, they take up time, energy, and resources that could otherwise go to the relationship. Three, the parents are more anchored to their current life, so things like going on vacation or moving become much more complex and expensive. Four, the person will almost certainly have to maintain a relationship with their ex/other parent of the children. Five, if you yourself want to have kids, they may not be willing to do so anymore.

      I acknowledge that having kids has its benefits too though. It’s not all bad.

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      • MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Valid reasons.

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    • mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Ahhh they are inextricably linked to a previous partner and you’re expected to become a parental figure if the relationship goes anywhere serious.

      Some people (like me) really don’t want an instant family.

      I take my hat off to those who don’t have kids but date parents; they are better people than I.

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      • BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        I wouldn’t mind doing it, but I would have to know the partner really well and feel confident that it would be a stable relationship. I remember having a hard time as a kid when I lost my aunt because her and my uncle had a nasty divorce where she went no contact.

        Pros of dating a parent:

        • You can see how they treat those that are vulnerable and dependent on them
        • They’re typically more stable, conscientious, and responsible
        • Good parents know that they have to model healthy behavior, so they practice those
        • You already know what you are getting with the kids, so it’s not a surprise
        • The kids inadvertently tell on the parent if the parent is misrepresenting themselves up front
        • Can do family activities that would normally be considered odd for only adults to partake
        • The many benefits of being a parent
        • If there’s shared custody, you regularly get time off from being a parent

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    • TonyOstrich@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Not OP, but I was sterilized in my mid 20s. Not only am I not interested in having kids, but I would not be a good parent. I have still dated people with kids who made it clear there would never be an expectation that I become a parent or interact with their kids, which does address those issues, but there are others. Understandably their kids take priority over basically everything except for maybe the factors that effect their ability to provide for their kids (or at least I think they should). That often means they don’t have nearly as much time to hang out and build a connection, nor are they able to be as free to do other things due to constraints on their time, finances, or both like going on fun trips. Another factor I have run into that is that usually the reason someone is single and has kids due to entirely positive reasons, and there is often at least some amount of trauma in their past that is often not entirely behind them.

      To be clear the above is in no way an absolute and are merely my anecdotal experience and correlations in the given area I live. It is also always worth keeping in mind that I am in no way perfect myself and that it’s possible there is something about me that results in the above being my experience.

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