Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much?
nadiaraven@lemmy.world 1 year ago
“Hey hubby, I’m not sure why, but when you say “Hey come here” to me, I feel really stressed as I’m walking to you not knowing whether it’s a good ‘come here’ or a bad ‘come here’. Can we workshop a way to communicate that doesn’t feel so stressful to me? Could you say something like “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.”?”
Tell him what you are feeling until he understands and wants to help you feel less stressed. Another option is to ask while you are walking, something simple like “good or bad?”
Over dinner with friends, they were sharing their own “communication pacts”. My one friend said they had a “No gaslighting” rule where if something even sounds like a potential gaslight, they call it out and squash it.
My wife and I have a few rules. A “No surprises” rule would resolve this issue. “Come here” is vague, which can be surprising. I’d enforce that rule.
We review these couple rules every year or two. Been married for 15 years.
Saraphim@lemmy.world 1 year ago
This is good. I’m going to try this.
nadiaraven@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I hope it helps!