Saraphim
@Saraphim@lemmy.world
- Comment on Iconic tree at Hadrian's Wall's 'Sycamore Gap' has been 'felled' 1 year ago:
Why do people have to fucking ruin everything ?
- Comment on How do empty nesters deal with over cooking? 1 year ago:
I had to work on this issue. I used to massively overcook. My house was always the place people just showed up. I had two kids, friends, family, so I was constantly ready to feed an army. Now one is out of the house, the other isn’t home most of the time and husband works evenings. We don’t have company like we used to before Covid, so unannounced guests happen rarely.
I have to be conscious at all times about what I’m cooking. First I had to admit that my perception of how much food I needed was just wrong and could not be trusted. I started using recipes - even for things I know how to make- purely to reference serving sizes. And when all else failed, however much I felt I needed to make, I’d just make half of that
It took some practice but now I make reasonable sized meals and have few leftovers.
- Comment on Buying neices and nephews Christmas presents? 1 year ago:
Money. They like money. Everyone can use money. I have a nephew who is 29 years old - he came into the family at 13 and so wasn’t really part of the whole gift/celebration thing and didn’t visit with our family much. But he was still a kid and I wanted him to feel like someone was thinking about him on holidays. Now he’s got a wife and a baby and he’s a full ass adult and I don’t care. I still give him $50 on his birthday and Xmas. Because I still love him. Maybe he uses it to gas up his car. Maybe he uses it for diapers. Maybe he buys himself something with it - doesn’t matter. My nieces and nephews always get a present from me no matter their age, but after 13, everyone likes money.
- Comment on Why don't we pump seawater into deserts to revive them? 1 year ago:
Have you ever heard the phrase “salt the earth”? That’s the fastest way to kill everything in the soil and make sure nothing grows for a very very long time.
- Comment on Why, as a male, when emotionally do I only feel accepted by women but not by men? 1 year ago:
Men show emotions all the time. The problem is that the only “acceptable” emotion is anger or resentment. People if any gender validate other peoples feelings based on their own experiences. Because women’s emotions are invalidated as weak or useless, women tend to be more sympathetic to others who experience that same invalidation.
- Comment on India suspends visas for Canadians as row escalates 1 year ago:
I guess now Canada should suspend passports for Indian nationals coming to Canada and see how that works out for Modi. India will have the short end of the stick of that happens. Trudeau has every right to ask questions about foreign assassins coming into Canada to kill someone.
- Comment on Office co-ordinator who took 28 months maternity leave before refusing to return to work loses unfair dismissal claim 1 year ago:
This lady worked for five months, then took maternity leave back to back for over two years and refused to come back to work due to personal issues that had nothing to do with her maternity leave and claimed unfair dismissal. Just wow.
- Comment on What are the connotations of Joe Rogan? 1 year ago:
I used to like joe Rogan as a comedian. His entire set was basically the first thing my brain thinks of - an easy crack joke with some wit. But one cannot live one’s life according to the fastest, easiest joke you can conceive of. Deeper thought reveals most of these impulse thoughts as stupid and childish. But he seems to just run with it, and has made that his public and political personality. My smart ass should not be making any meaningful decisions.
- Comment on I May Have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, What Specialty Doctor Should I Consult With? 1 year ago:
I had really bad carpal tunnel in both wrists. The first stop was my GP who gave me a referral to a neurologist. They check your sensory response in your fingers and there is a rating system for how well sensation is received by your brain. Once they establish sensation is below a certain threshold they’ll refer you to the appropriate professional. For some, this means physio, stretching exercises, wrist braces, etc. if it’s bad enough, you’ll be referred to an orthopaedic surgeon. My recovery was relatively easy after my surgery. I couldn’t do anything complicated with my hands for a few weeks but I was back at work the next day since I just use a computer - I just finger pecked for a few days. Pro tip- get a bidet fixture for your toilet that activates with a button turn or press instead of a trigger handle. I did both hands at once and just got it over with. No regrets.
- Comment on ELI5: What is scat? The internet one. 1 year ago:
Scat (musical) - the bee bop beeping boo jibberish people sing in jazz music
Scat (scientific) - animal droppings (poop)
Scat (internet/modern) - people who participate in sex involving poop as part of their kink.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
What the fuck is wrong with you ?
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted here. This is accurate with every word.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I have adhd ironically. I don’t do this. Of course I have a lot of trauma from working a high stress job that requires an insane amount of executive function, plus I also do most things at home, and am the main wage earner so I spend my entire day in disaster/panic mode. By the time I’m finished all that the last thing I need is my eternally bored husband jump scaring me at random with this shit. Why can’t he just read a fucking book and entertain himself?
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I have talked to him. He acknowledges he does it but doesn’t know why. I’ve explained how stressful it is for me, and he says he understands. I’m bitter because it annoys the fuck out of me, not because he’s trying to “share” with me.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
“You’ll see! Just come here!” 80% of the time it’s nothing at all. The other 20% it’s something bad involving blood or damage to our house or something equally awful and devastating. It’s horrible to do the execution walk to see which one I’m going to get. He even once needed stitches and was bleeding everywhere and wouldn’t tell me what he wanted, just that I needed to hurry and he needed a hand. I had to experience the big reveal and see the blood everywhere before he told me he needed a towel from inside the house where I’d just been.
Even emergencies he won’t tell me. “I’ll see” when I get there. Surprise!
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
This isn’t investing in time, thought and energy though. This is random impulsive things, regardless of if I’m at work, or on a call or just trying to wind down after a 12 hour day. I work a full time job and a side gig, and he is, at this point, semi-retired. I do the majority of the housework and childcare jobs. We contribute to our household income at about 5:1. Im already exhausted, but I feel like he wants me to spend any free second I have entertaining him. He has no interests except his guitar (which he gets his fill of at work as a teacher about 25 hours a week) and his PS5. So if neither of those are entertaining him, then I’m expected to provide entertainment for him. I’m really just tired and frustrated. Have you ever had someone who literally just wants to fill up every spare moment you have with something they need before ? There are days where I’m cleaning the kitchen at midnight and he’s getting snippy because he’s been waiting forever for me to get finished to come and play this game so he can watch (he makes it sound like it’s really a favour for me because he’ll rub my back halfassedly while I play). He’s not investing in anything, and he’s got a lot of energy to spare. I don’t.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Oh come on that’s not fair. What I’m talking about is not a healthy amount. It’s an excessive amount. Sometimes it feels like I’m a tv set. I’m his entertainment. He even makes me play video games I don’t want to play, so he can watch me play. I love spending time with him but I also value my own personal time. And it’s unfair that I should be spending my personal time doing activities that I’m not particularly enjoying so that he can watch me do it like a tv.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I guess that’s what I’m here for, context. I feel like I can’t adequately explain why it’s upsetting when I can’t even explain it to myself. It seems like such a small silly thing to object to but it really freaking stresses me out and ticks me off. Sometimes other peoples’ thoughts help give context to your own.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I hhaaaaate looking at things on his phone. We don’t find the same stuff funny and I hate videos. I’ve got the joke after the first five seconds, please don’t make me watch 8 minutes of this.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
This is good. I’m going to try this.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Hmm that’s part of it. But I literally never know what I’m walking in to. About 2 months ago he was yelling “a little help here. Hurry. I need you.” He said those three things instead of “I cut my hand in the garage, bring a towel because I’m bleeding”. Nope he yelled at me vaguely and then acted annoyed when I didn’t hurry and he was clearly bleeding everywhere and then snapped at me to go get him a towel and move faster because it was an emergency.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Oh yes. But he has zero impulse control (because he practices none) so the second he thinks about something he wants to show me he does it again
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
THIS! You’ll see. Why ? WHY?? Just tell me
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I’ve actually been completely transparent and honest. He and I have talked about it many times. I guess I’m here to hear other perspectives so that maybe I can verbalize the situation better in a way he can understand. He doesn’t know why he does it and I have a hard time been putting into words why it’s so bothersome to me. And if you don’t have a cohesive point, do you really have a point? And with no point there is theoretically no problem.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Are you sure your girlfriend isn’t my husband ? It’s just fucking annoying. Just tell me what you want. Or as he so condescendingly says to me when I’ve decided something isn’t worth discussing (he’s the king of talking things through until I see his point and agree with him) he tells me to “use my words”. The reason I’m not using my words is because it’s not worth the following 4 hour debate about how I should see things his way.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
Oh no I have verbalized it. He acknowledges it’s inappropriate and keeping me in unnecessary suspense. But he doesn’t know why he does it so … shrug. He even apologized for it last night as soon as i said something about it (raccoons just sitting on the roof). It was 1am and I was dead asleep and he called me on my phone to wake me to come outside right away and see this. A 1am urgent call from outside the house when I’m dead asleep should be about someone being dead, not “there are two raccoons sitting on the roof of our sunroom.”
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
We have talked about it a lot. He recognizes it’s a weird behaviour but he can’t break the habit, so the childhood thought tracks. And I also think you’re right about the effort bit. He’s lazy by nature. If something needs doing and he doesn’t know how, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know how”. But when you’re a couple, and something needs to be done, anything shrugged off by #1 becomes the responsibility of #2. Which means instead of him having to learn it, I have to. Just google it dude. Watch a youtube video, like I’m going to when you wash your hands of it. It’s easier for me to learn something new than it is for him to learn something new which is bollocks. The only reason it’s easier is because it’s not his effort. Somehow in his mind learning something new is too hard on his part, but takes zero effort on mine. Like, what?
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
This is a good point. I try to set boundaries and unfortunately he’s committed to the “big reveal”. I know he’s one of those people who likes to “share” life. If he sees something fascinating, he wants me to experience the same fascination so it’s like a surprise. If it’s bad he wants me to feel the same horror he felt when he saw it. Warning me would negate the reveal. We have talked about it frequently and he doesn’t know why he does it, he understands how it could be stressful for me, but can’t seem to break his pattern.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
I think it bothers me on a couple levels. 1- I feel he keeps me in unnecessary suspense and that’s unpleasant. 2- he participates in a lot of behaviours that are self satisfying. If I’m out he will call and ask what time I’ll be home and a thousand other questions no one else would ever ask, just because he was wondering, and he wanted those wonderings satisfied. It can’t wait until I get home, it must be the second he wonders about it. 3-he thinks I have the answers to all questions, and if I don’t know he expects I’ll be the one to find the answer instead of just googling it like a normal person.
I’m annoyed because it’s constant and habitual and anything that repeats that you find mildly annoying 5x a day for 15 years will inevitably become infuriating instead. Imagine if someone just poked you in the side 5x a day for 15 years. It doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t really affect your day. It’s just annoying and pointless. But after a while you’ll just snap and scream “why the fuck are you poking me ! Stop touching me!”
It’s like that.
- Comment on Why does “come here” bother me so much? 1 year ago:
This is also part of the annoyance. He has no problem with interrupting me for whatever he thinks is interesting. I do sometimes feel like he treats me like the entertainment a bit. When he gets a new game, he doesn’t necessarily even want to play it himself first, he wants ME to play it and he gets to watch while I struggle and learn all the shit. I work a very intellectually demanding job and most times the last thing I want to do at 10pm on a Tuesday is learn a whole new thing. If I’m out and he wonders when I’ll be home, or if what I’m doing, or even has a thought he will call me. I’ve explained to him a thousand times that he doesn’t need to know where I am every second of every day, not because he thinks I’m doing anything, but because he just wonders and that curiosity must immediately be satisfied. It’s so stressful to be out with your fucking mom and he calls five minutes after you leave the house and then 10 more times over the next two hours just wondering when you’ll be home. Like, he can’t even wonder. He has to call me so I can give him an answer. It’s exhausting. My mother says it’s a control thing but I don’t think so. I think it’s an urge being satisfied thing.