The best and longest lasting relationships start between friends.
Comment on Asking a girl out for comic book store date?
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months agoThat works for a hangout, but not for a date. That’s a good way to end up in the “friendzone” if he’s looking for a relationship.
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
They can. But if one person is looking only for a relationship and the other person isn’t open to that, then keeping things ambiguous will make things worse for both parties.
hudson@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
When you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” is…
I wouldn’t know…
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Why is it desperate and insecure to explicitly ask someone out on a date?
And if you’re not sure what the “friendzone” is, then how are you so sure about how to end up in it? Lol
hudson@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Where did i say that? You’re trying too hard, and that’s bad advice to give, especially to someone who would best benefit from relaxing and taking the chill approach. Women appreciate a confident approach that doesn’t come off as too eager. Everyone appreciates that. Being too quick to try to define a relationship that doesn’t even exist can come off as desperate and demanding. Young (all) women want to make up their own minds, so let them!
During the outing, she’ll pick up that OP wants more than a friendship and if she wants more, too, that’s the direction it will go. And if that’s not what she wants, then so be it.
umbrella@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
I kind of agree. I think its important to give a hint at what you want. Women pick up on this and it will save you some grief if for some reason expectations are misaligned. Its common for wires to cross if you are a newbie, and its not a demerit to be clearer about it.
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Yeah, I feel like the advice in the original comment is the kind of advice I would’ve given and liked to hear when I was younger, especially because it’s easier to get a “yes” as an answer.
Without knowing the whole context and what OP actually wants, it’s hard to know what’s best.
But sorry you got downvoted, there’s a bit of a downvote train going on! Lol
gregorum@lemm.ee 6 months ago
I disagree. It’s not so binary, and taking the this approach can show that you’re not too eager, more motivated by exploring shared interests and getting to know the person, and, in doing so, thinking about more than your own motivations. All of these are critical to developing a relationship.
And if she’s interested in more, that’s up to her. While on the social outing, there will be plenty of opportunity for the verbal and non-verbal expiration and expression of further interest, and patience will pay off. “Jumping the gun” by being too aggressive is always a tune-off.
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I think my issue with it is that OP wants it to be a date. If it’s a date in OP’s mind, but he asks for a simple hangout, and she agrees, did OP get a date?
If OP thinks it’s a date and the girl doesn’t, then that’s setting up OP with problems down the line.
I don’t think it would come across as sleazy to make one’s intentions clear. Well, as long as it’s about a date, and not about sex, lol
gregorum@lemm.ee 6 months ago
It sounds like these kids don’t even know each other, so why start with a date anyway? As, her out to the comic book shop for a hang and see if they click. Be chill. They can talk, get to know each other more, and get more friendly. Then maybe they’re hungry after all that comic book shopping, and then they go on a date.
otp@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I’m not sure what I did to make you feel old, but I’m old too! Haha
I get where you’re coming from too, and that’s probably how I would('ve) approach(ed) it myself. But that would be if I were okay with having a friend and getting rejected as a romantic interest down the line if that’s how it were to play out.
So, IMHO, OP would need to consider what they’re looking for and what they’re ok and not ok with. If they don’t want to end up with an awkward “I thought we were just friends, and I would never consider you romantically” conversation, then they should make a date clear. If they’re fine with hearing “Let’s just be friends” down the line, then a hangout is perfectly fine.