Comment on WaPo IRL
SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days agoThere’s a stigma around bisexuals, that they are promiscuous. I did not tell my ex that I was bi at all, because she and I were exclusive the whole time we were together. It was years after our divorce that I came out as trans.
I was so worried that she would have rejected me if she knew that about me. I was happy with our life we had together, and I never strayed, so why should I have to disclose that if I don’t want to?
Why tell your partner anything you don’t want to if it’s inconvenient for you. Many would agree that is the foundation for a healthy relationship!
All jokes aside I actually don’t see the issue if the relationship is so shallow that you both agree that secrets are on the table I suppose.
Not everything fits into nice neat boxes. My failed marriage was not shallow because I withheld information that meant nothing to me. I never so much as looked at another person in a way that would not pass the sniff test., because I loved the mother of our son with everything I had.
I was happy being the “family man”, even though I felt how I did inside; having what I had was more than enough for me. ~23ish years old with a wife, a son, a house, and a car—perfection.
It’s hard to say that when a friend outed me to her, if her reaction was informed by the animosity of the height of a messy divorce, or whether it really hit a nerve. We were young, and were not equipped to deal with the major changes that were occurring in rapid realtime.
What have you to say about this? You pass judgment on a multi-year multi-dimensional partnership, and I say shame on you.
In the future, I’d recommend keeping your insulting comments to yourself.
🙄
I say that regardless of if you believe something you are doing is right or wrong that withholding it from someone while knowing it could end your relationship is in any sain situation a selfish act.
Also I would say that people make mistakes and it if that is something you regret then it’s okay to forgive yourself and move on
My read on the situation based on what you typed is that you don’t see any harm in withholding something that you apparently believed would matter to the other person. I’m not caught up on if being bi or trans or whatever is actually wrong somehow in itself if that is how I’m coming across
Once you ring a bell, it cannot be un-rung. She may have taken it fine…or she may have left me over it; who’s to say? Would you want to risk losing someone over that?
When I came out to the people around me (long after the divorce), it was terrifying. Who will react in what way? Which relationships or friendships will never be the same? Who will embrace me? Or worse: who will throw me away? What about my parents?
Coming out is what can feel selfish. I wasn’t a secret homosexual, longing for the comfort of a man. I was happy where I was, with who I was with, and what I had.
A detail about my life that didn’t make a difference in our partnership was not shared. If she had asked me, I would have told her the truth.
There are plenty of people out there that are accepting of having a bisexual man as a partner, and I’d dare say that there are substantially more that behind closed doors would consider it a no-go.
CultLeader4Hire@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If the person you’re dating is going to reject your authentic self they’re not the right person for you anyway, you just wasted both of your time on a relationship where your partner was kept in the dark because you were too scared to be vulnerable, gives me the ick
SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
You have no idea of whether I wasted my or her time. Some of the best years of both of our lives, without a doubt. Take your judgment elsewhere, friend.
incompetent@programming.dev 1 day ago
What exactly is “the right person for you”? If they had a happy life while they were together then why should it matter that they’re not the perfect match? Sometimes one needs to go through relationships that help them grow into the person that their “perfect match” (whatever that is) would consider to be their perfect match.