Comment on Pain

• orioler25@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I think that’s how men are reading it, yeah, but it reads to me like, “oh boy, I sure want to fuck my hot sleeping gf rn, but I gotta do workies :(” I know the demos on this site means most people are going to read it as “I don’t want to work, and my hot sleeping gf is comforting,” and even that is honestly fucked up and objectifying.

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  • Zensate@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Please tell me this is a joke

    Have you woke-ified wanting to sleep with your partner?

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    • orioler25@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      While they’re unconscious and not in a sexual situation? Yeah, I’m gonna wokeify a meme making light of the assumptions men make about this situation. Lemmites respond very negatively when I point out rape culture on here, and as I said, that isn’t surprising given the userbase.

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      • Signtist@bookwyr.me ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        So I’m not trying to argue, but I want to better understand what it means to objectify someone. Is this rapey because the SO isn’t consciously choosing to appear attractive? Is attraction to someone only acceptable if they are actively aware and desiring for such reception, even if you’re not otherwise interacting with them, and are in a relationship with them? It’s honestly not something I’ve thought about much when it comes to people in an existing comfortable relationship where consent is generally always present for normal interactions unless expressly revoked.

        Like, when I look at my wife I think she’s attractive, often even moreseo when she’s not doing anything special to appear attractive. She seems to appreciate this, so I don’t believe it would be something bad, but I don’t really know. I know I would want her to feel the same way about me, but again, I suppose that very desire might be a form of consent that isn’t necessarily established in the meme. Is it rapey because we don’t specifically know that she wants to appear attractive to her SO? Is that not something we can at least assume in a relationship between 2 people we otherwise know nothing about?

        Again, I’m just trying to better understand because it’s not something I’d considered before your comment. I can definitely understand someone wanting to be sure that consent is established, but I also know that when you’re in a relationship with someone for months/years, those conversations about consent fall away after you both know in and out what the other is okay with. Or are you saying that even that is too far, and it should always be discussed every time, even when full trust is established?

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      • boonhet@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        What rape culture in this case? If I saw my gf (not that I have one right now) sleeping with her legs open and a titty out, I’d find it hot and endearing (in a she’s comfortable enough with me to sleep like that kinda way), and perhaps I’d go back to bed to cuddle with her till she wakes up on her own and see if said cuddling leads to morning sexytime. And I’d be extra horny from the wait so it would be even better (or I might have to go jack off in the toilet if it doesn’t happen). Has happened a couple of times, mostly when waking up to go to pee or something, not when I needed to go to work obviously.

        I don’t think any man who’s not already way too OK with rape would just straight up go to town on a woman in her sleep without it being agreed upon before. Fantasizing about her and actually doing something about it while she’s sleeping are very different things.

        Of the women I’ve been with, one explicitly said she’s okay with being woken up with sex (I didn’t ask her about it or anything, she just saw me all horny in the morning so I somewhat jokingly said “oh I was tempted to take you while you were sleeping” or something and she got upset that I hadn’t), and one said she’s into it, but our relationship was pretty fresh and she didn’t explicitly say she wants me to do it, so I didn’t take it as consent as much as just her talking about what she liked or had fantasized about.

        With the former I actually did it a couple of times, but soon realized that while her waking up suddenly to an orgasm was fun for both of us, the journey there is much more enjoyable if both parties are awake for it. With the latter, our relationship didn’t last long enough (unrelated reasons) for me to even consider bringing it up for real.

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  • joelectron@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    This is not inherently rape-y, and it seems weird to me that you immediately assumed it was.

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    • orioler25@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Oh wow, that’s genuinely funny to use a gaslighting thing right below this (“you’re weird if you ‘assume’ dangerous behaviour”). This form of sexual violence is still super common, and most men still don’t challenge the assumed consent of a relationship; all of that of course besides the fact that they’re sexualizing her body in a non-sexual situation, which is just a bit of a problem on its own (but not necessarily depending on the relationship).

      So, yeah, it’s a bit rapey, and as I said, since this site is mostly youngish to middle-aged STEM men, that isn’t what these people are going to read from it even though it is present.

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      • nforminvasion@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        It’s giving incel but woke

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      • saimen@feddit.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        A: [weird opinion] B-Z: that’s weird A: no it’s because you are all kind of the same type of person with the same wrong view of the world

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