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Comment on Is it reasonable to tell a person you once loved about the fact years later?

gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

You’re… quoting an encyclopedia. On matters of romance and affection. You’re not coming across as “in love”; you’re coming across as infatuated. You’re in love with the idea of her, and the even more abstract idea of being in a relationship with her. I can just about guarantee you that reality is unlikely to fully match what you have in mind.

And… well, taken with your other replies and apparent reluctance to integrate and/or accept the rather consistent gist of the replies you’re getting, you’re starting to give off a wee bit of an incel vibe.

But anyways:

This isn’t a matter you can logically litigate. Human emotion is simply not a clean, cut-and-dried domain.

My further advice to you would be to focus on human connection first. Writ large, treat dating and romance as a side quest, not a primary quest. Focus on befriending people, and deepening interpersonal connection before anything else.

I don’t know what the nuance of the situation is, of course, but it sounds like you may have the opportunity to rekindle a friendship, and then see if it goes anywhere as things evolve. If you push really hard on the romance angle, especially if this is a very out-of-the-blue thing for her, you’re very likely to squick her out and nuke any chance of friendship, let alone anything more than that. Treat her as a human, and a friend, and then see where things go.

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nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

You’re… quoting an encyclopedia. On matters of romance and affection.

Well, someone was disagreeing with me on the definition of a word. What else was I supposed to quote? A dictionary?

I can just about guarantee you that reality is unlikely to fully match what you have in mind.

Not sure what you mean. We knew each other quite closely.

And… well, taken with your other replies and apparent reluctance to integrate and/or accept the rather consistent gist of the replies you’re getting, you’re starting to give off a wee bit of an incel vibe.

I… Don’t understand. The only replies I argued with tried to redefine love as someone that may not happen outside of an established relationship, a definition seemingly not familiar nor to Wikipedia, nor Britannica, nor Shakespeare, nor Dostoevsky.

Could you quote the parts where I’m giving “incel vibes”, please?

but it sounds like you may have the opportunity to rekindle a friendship, and then see if it goes anywhere as things evolve. If you push really hard on the romance angle, especially if this is a very out-of-the-blue thing for her, you’re very likely to squick her out and nuke any chance…

What part of “one-sided” could you miss? I’m not looking into meeting her again. She now lives thousands of kilometres away and definitely never liked me. My question had no hidden meaning: the “confession” was simply a matter of curiosity satisfaction, a reassuring compliment, and a way to close unanswered questions, as every person has a right to know of everything related to them in the highest possible extent.

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- nickiwest@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  … every person has a right to know of everything related to them in the highest possible extent.
  
  I emphatically disagree with your proposition.
  
  About a bajillion different people are credited with saying some variation of, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
  
  It must be exhausting to care about what everyone thinks of you. That’s a burden you are not required to carry. It’s also a burden you should not foist on someone who hasn’t asked for it.
  
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- gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  I’m not here to debate you. I am here to provide advice from my lived experience.
  
  Take it or leave it - this isn’t my monkey, and it’s not my circus.
  
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