Comment on Is it reasonable to tell a person you once loved about the fact years later?

• Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  K but I don’t need to know how they feel when by their own words I can see that they’re conflating attraction with love.

  You seem to want to help OP. But you’re actually reenforcing a very unhealthy mindset. Give you admission that you don’t know what’s best here it is rather irresponsible of you to baselessly undermine the consensus.

  Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.

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  • PapaSkwat@lemmy.today ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about.

    Some of the shit I read on Lemmy always suprises me, until I remember that. lol

    I think those of us who actually have been married, have families, and have been in working society for a while are pretty rare here on Lemmy.

    The way a lot of posters on here talk, makesme wonder if they have even been in relationships before.

    Once ya have kids to provide for, and learn how shit works, perceptions about the world become a lot more realistic and focused.

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    • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      IMO a big, post-internet, problem is that people aren’t experiencing foundational relationships as children/teens that were the learning experiences to prepare people deeper connections like marriage.

      People are growing up without learning the ability to trust or discern trustworthiness; and many other things that we can only learn through experience.

      As per Maslow’s Pyramid, everyone is overworked and suck in bottom tier survival mode rendering them psychologically incapable of prioritizing emotional and relationship needs. So we get people who see interpersonal situations in black and white with villains and hero’s instead of people.

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      • PapaSkwat@lemmy.today ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        IMO a big, post-internet, problem is that people aren’t experiencing foundational relationships as children/teens that were the learning experiences to prepare people deeper connections like marriage.

        Agreed. I started noticing it on Reddit a few years ago, and now that a new generation is reaching adulthood on both Reddit and Lemmy, it’s even more obvious. More people are reaching their 20s without having developed the social skills and real-world experiences that previous generations picked up naturally.

        Society has always had socially awkward or isolated people, but technology has def amplified the problem. When I was younger, I spent most of my time around other people because there wasn’t an easy way to retreat into a digital world. That constant face-to-face interaction forced people to learn how to socialize, resolve conflicts, and build relationships.

        The number of socially maladjusted people online today is striking. I also think that besides just more social awkwardness, it’s leading to more stalking and fixation issues for those same people.

        I’ve had people obsessively follow and harass me on Lemmy just because I post news articles they don’t like. Not new behavior, but the scale of it seems greater than ever.

        When people struggle to form meaningful connections and feel little control over their lives, online conflicts can become an unhealthy substitute for real accomplishment or social belonging.

        It’s getting more noticeable every year.

        And a special shoutout to my personal Lemmy stalker, NewPerspective, who will want to downvote this comment. A perfect example of my point. 😄

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  • d3m0nr4v3r@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    In understand and agree with what you are saying all in all but you are being a little to harsh in your tone and maybe also in some assumptions about OP, I think. The best advice comes in a form that is digestible for the recipient… If giving advice is what you are doing and not telling OP off, that is. Anyways, as I said, I agree with you but I just felt your were being almost a little unfair 😌

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    • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Read back. I wasn’t harsh until OP responded disingenuously.

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  • SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Some of the people here are family men who actually do know what we’re talking about. To falsely equate your “I don’t know” with experience driven advice, is a disservice to OP.

    Kindly fuck off with your assumptions. When I was young, I chose not to have children because my parents were unable to raise me without traumatic fear and pain, and I never wanted anyone else to feel that.

    I love someone, but we are not together and likely never will be.

    Would you be upset if someone told you that you don’t love your wife?

    Stop pretending to know things you cannot know. Your experience is not everyone’s.

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    • Canconda@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Would you be upset if someone told you that you don’t love your wife?

      You? No. My father? yes.

      The fact that you think I’m assuming things about your life shows that you’re reacting defensively instead of maturley considering what’s being presented to you.

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      • SnoopSqueak@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

        I am reacting defensively, you attacked OP by pretending to know their mind and confidently asserting you know they are wrong when you can’t possibly know that. It’s a pretty shitty thing to do and it’d be wrong of me not to point that out.

        Here’s one for you: you don’t actually love your father, it’s stockholm syndrome. How do I know? It happened to me, therefore it must also be your experience.

        Does that feel good?

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