Comment on Just god screwing with us again
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 12 hours agoReligion makes a lot more sense when you think of it like parents lying to their kids to get them to behave.
Like yeah, don’t kill each other because uh… because someone is watching and will kill you twice as hard forever.
Point is, the elf on the shelf is my lord and savior.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
Soooooo, back in 2016 I had never heard of elf on the shelf. I come over to my sisters house on Christmas Eve. I have a 4 year old niece. Whenever I’d come over, I’d grab the nearest toy and start playing. I think you can see where this is headed.
I hug my niece and right near the door is a little table. On it, I see this little doll. I grab it and say “Oh, hi (her name), you wanna play?”
Usually when I do that in my funny voices, I get smiles, and clapping and giggles. Not this time.
IMMEDIATE banshee screaming, followed by full waterworks. I have no idea what is going on. I know I did something, but I cannot piece it together.
All of this within a few seconds. My family is now screaming NOOOOOOO!!! and my sister WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
And my niece is now on the floor wailing. Full on crying like I killed a cat or something.
Meanwhile I STILL don’t know what is even happening in this moment. I know I hugged my niece, picked up a doll, and now everyone hates me.
Finally my brother in law sees the scene and saves the day.
“Heeeeeey, it’s ok! Uncle doesn’t live here! It’s powers can only be affected by people who live here?”
And my niece stops crying.
“So Christmas isn’t ruined?”
“No! Christmas is still happening just as normal. Everything is fine.”
My niece gives me a dirty look, and runs off to her room. Then my mom explained what just happened. And now I get it. Would have been helpful to know BEFORE I came over…
And thats the story of how I was the villain who killed a childs Christmas for 45 seconds.
I have hated Elf on a Shelf ever since. Stupid fucking concept. Plus it normalizes mass surveilance. Though, I guess the same is true of Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And God. And The Tooth Fairy.
Though, to be fair, The Tooth Fairy might not actually be engaging in surveilance. Maybe she just has a tooth sensor installed in your pillow. It was never made clear to me the logistics of The Tooth Fairy.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 3 hours ago
So what’s this elf on the shelf? I only know the Linix one.
ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 4 hours ago
I still don’t.
EddoWagt@feddit.nl 2 hours ago
The only thing I can take away from his comment is that the elf is a government surveillance drone