So much in life can change. Life is long. A decade away could be a whole new life for you, one where you no longer feel this way. Even if you feel this is never going to happen for you, all I can say is I felt the same. Then decades pass and I worked on every part of my life until I only had kind people around me. I struggled with suicide ideation from 8 years old to 36/37 years old. And then, one day without me noticing, it just stopped. Because I kicked all the mean folk out, and surrounded my life with good. I learned to accepted myself, flaws and all. There is always tomorrow.
I fed the squirrls peanuts I bought just for them this morning. Its love. Give love, get love. Life gonna beat the shit outta you, but one day it could be better. I have one friend, and three close family members, one of which I popped out myself so idk if that counts. Less people, but good people.
My step father would been happy I offed myself, I never wanted to give him satisfaction. Go for spite, find ur spite and draw hope.
I dont hate you, so go on and please keep exsisting.
boletus@sh.itjust.works 8 hours ago
Almost nobody is thinking about you enough to warrant hating you. People have their own lives, their own insecurities and their own delusions. The only people who would ever have made a strong opinion about you are your friends and family, and friends you will make in the future. Focus on that, because I guarantee they will care most about anything you do.