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MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

Relying on society, when it works out, still usually leaves you with over-extended or strained relationships(especially with friends and family), and kids who will never understand just what was so important about their conceptions and births that couldn’t have waited until you were a little more ready and not constantly stressed to the breaking point - kids who are absolutely right.

Ask me how I know. If I look at it from the stand-point of the heart-attack that seems due any day now, maybe there was some urgency, but without trying to shoe-horn kids into a lifestyle that wasn’t ready for them and ultimately had to be abandoned in-favor of doing whatever it takes to keep them happy and healthy, external/internal consequences be damned, then my health outlook might not look so bleak.

All that, and have you seen divorce statistics. Jesus FUCK, have you SEEN divorce statistics? … and it’s somehow still okay to throw massive financial insecurity into the mix, the SINGLE GREATEST driver of divorce? Sure. Aim for the stars, kid. The world is your oyster and all that.

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exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

Relying on society, when it works out, still usually leaves you with over-extended or strained relationships

No, framing that as the best case scenario is just a complete lack of imagination. I’m closer with my friends and family now because we have regular meetups and more scheduled social contact. The idea that this kind of stuff would strain my friendships is actually pretty foreign to me. We do things for each other, and that brings us closer rather than piling up one-way resentment for the people who give more than they get.

I find life to be less stressful when I’m around people I love. And that was always true, before I had kids, too.

All that, and have you seen divorce statistics. Jesus FUCK, have you SEEN divorce statistics?

Divorce rates have been dropping over the last 40 years, are especially low for college educated couples who got married after the age of 30.

Take a deep breath and realize that lots of people are living lots of different lives. Try to imagine that some of us are happy, too.

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- MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  College educated couples who got married after the age of 30 are exactly the sort to buy a house before having kids. They’ll also have locked-in friends and family who they can count-on, and likely owe them favors. Other than grandparents and single people, these ARE the society you want in your corner.
  
  As someone who did it in the reverse order, I promise you, you’re gonna burn a friendship or familial relation or three out of need, ones that otherwise would have lasted generations, and know as its happenning you’ll be living with that regret the rest of your life. You may be able to pay them back, but almost certainly neither in-kind or in any way, or on any time-scale, that makes the relationship what it once was.
  
  As you get older, relationships ossify - it takes life-changing events to have any chance to undo extinction events or straight “I’m burned-out on their shit”.
  
  So yeah, I have a lot of people who know that I, and my kids know, our family owes them and I will do anything in my power to do whatever I can to help them should they ever ask. They even would likely still help with whatever I asked for, even non-sense(“we’re square”)…
  
  … BUT, they stopped coming to fun “note-worthy” things we invite them to many years-ago. Any sharing in our modest successes(or just relief that x milestone was reached) is tainted by all the dirty-dirty of all the sausage they’ve helped us make to get to here.
  
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