Oh god no. There are many infectively predatory beliefs and dangerous ideas out there. This is irresponsible.
Comment on How to stop a parent from jumping into the nearest religious rabbit-hole to cope with a divorce?
yesman@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
One of my core values is that people get to decide for themselves what to believe. And it sounds a whole lot like you’re disrespecting your parent’s agency.
Imagine the thread: My son is talking like an atheist, how do I make them change?
Lemminary@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 hours ago
I’d gladly take them to church if that was all it was. But aside from wanting me to attend they bring the sermon into every conversation to the point where we can barely talk anymore. I’ve suggested seeking support even at the church if they don’t want a therapist, but they’d rather just lecture about the sinfulness of watching TV or how they regret not forcing me to attend church every week. I thought religion is a personal relationship with the deity in question? Why drag in people who don’t want to be involved in it?
MerryJaneDoe@piefed.world 9 hours ago
So…is this about how her religious beliefs are affecting HER life?
Or is it more about how her religious beliefs are affecting your relationship with her?
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 hours ago
It’s the 2nd one, I’m not trying to take away her source of spiritual relief or anything - but to make it really simple, it’s no longer “I love God and live by his teachings” but unprompted “You’ll burn in hell for not loving God, you believe in nothing and God will make you pay” kind of lectures for like 2 hours. Surely that’s cause for concern considering I have to talk to her everyday?
MerryJaneDoe@piefed.world 5 hours ago
If the relationship is worth salvaging, you can meet her halfway. It will take a LOT of work on your part. A lot of compromise. You’ll probably end up feeling suffocated and you’ll probably lie to her a lot, to make her feel better.
“Mom, I want to do better by you. I want you to be proud of me. I’m not saying I believe everything in the Bible, but I want to ask you some things. About sin and God. I’m not promising to change, but I promise to keep an open mind.”
Something like that. Then, for topic, ask her to describe a situation where she felt sinful, and exactly what she did to avoid it.
Basically, you are putting her in a position to be a mentor but ONLY if she shows vulnerability and shares with you her weaknesses. This changes the dynamic of your relationship, puts you on equal footing. Now she is a sinner too.
Most likely, if she takes the bait, she will tell you about a very small sin. “Oh, I wanted to slap that cashier, but I prayed and God took all the violence away from me.”
Start picking away, theologically speaking. “So…did you actually sin? Is just thinking about something a sin? Is that really the worst thought you’ve ever had? Have you ever actually sinned, like in real life?” Make it seem like you understand nothing about how sin really works. Encourage her to give personal examples.
Of course, the conversation might go a totally different direction. Just take it where it goes. Never escalate, always treat her with respect when talking about religion. At any point, when you’ve hit a brick wall, just stop.
Wait for her to finish talking. Look thoughtful. Meet her eyes. Open your mouth to speak and then close it. Pause again. Then say “I need to think about that. And maybe read…” Walk out of the room. Pop your head back in. Say “Thank you Mom, for taking me seriously.”
It’s worth noting that I moved out of my parents’ house as soon as I graduated high school to get away from bullshit like this. In the long run, I might have been happier to find a compromise and learn to live with my mom’s nut beliefs and self-righteousness. Best of luck!
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 10 hours ago
That’s kind of what people finding new meanings on life are like. Is there a power dynamic with your parent where they can still affect your quality of life? If not you can still be supportive of their journey while not letting them curmudgeon you with guilt. Not every Christian has to use their ideology to kill their empathy, though that’s usually what disenfranchised new converts are trying to do.
Either way, based on these statements they’re obviously too far into it for one person to pull them out. At that point the challenge is more getting them to still recognize your agency and personhood. Draw the boundaries where their faith ends and your life starts.
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 hours ago
“Is there a power dynamic with your parent where they can still affect your quality of life?” In short, yes - enough that the guilt is already there. I’m not trying to change their religious beliefs or anything, but they’ve never reached the “you’ll burn in hell for [insert anything here really]” stage before. That’s supposed to be like a red flag right?
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 8 hours ago
Yeah that’s pretty hateful. There’s something underlying there that Christianity is accelerating. Somebody else suggested gaining some distance and that sounded extreme but maybe that’s not such a bad idea. You don’t want to be dependent on a Christian who is in a mental health spiral
porcoesphino@mander.xyz 13 hours ago
I think you have your last sentence wrong:
My son is talking like a militant atheist, how do I make them change?
The request is for managing the way someone in their life is pushing their beliefs. You’re focusing on the tangential context, the persons specific beliefs (that was added as useful context for the people offering helpful ideas)
Azrael@reddthat.com 1 minute ago
I agree with your point that people should get to decide for themselves. But not if their beliefs are hurting others. Historically, religion has done more harm than good.