What’s difficult is keeping with it.

My weight has fluctuated from a low of 180lbs to a high of 450lbs throughout my entire adult life.

I know what to do. I know it’s easy to do it.

The hard part is knowing that the second I stop counting, it all comes piling back on.

It’s incredibly discouraging to know that most people can just…live. They eat when they’re hungry. They don’t constantly have a voice in their head telling them to eat when they aren’t. They don’t use sweets for emotional support or stress relief. They can leave food on a plate when they’re full. And they feel full with reasonable portions of food.

Moreso, they aren’t riddled with anxiety whenever their fat ass is on display out in public doing exercise.

I had an elderly woman at physical therapy tell me I’m the biggest man she’s ever seen. You know how upsetting that is? Like, no shit, I know I’m fat. And sure she likely has no filter because of dementia but man it still burns.