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Comment on Discussion Thread 🎲 Thursday 19 March 2026

Mental health, grieving

I feel so sad and scared all of the time. There has been talk of antidepressants but I’ve tried so many and none of them have worked. They just cause intolerable side effects with no benefit and then severely destabilize me when I have to come off them. So I’m stuck like this. Treatment resistant. I wrap Melbcat’s urn in a blanket burrito and hold it close at night to feel like she’s still there. It’s something but not really helping fully. I still can’t believe she’s gone. The people around me are supportive but have limited availability and have their own lives which are very separate from mine. Other old friends have drifted. Other people move on from your grief a lot faster than you do. And social thinning is very real as an adult.

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Seagoon_@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
so many hugs

can you ask your doctor if he knows any real life support groups

and of course there are support groups on the internet, we are here too

🫂🫂🫂

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- melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  I might do that, thanks
  
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  - SaneMartigan@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    There’s a number of pet bereavement services out there. I can’t name any specific ones but I’d query grief.org.au for recommendations.
    
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    melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    Thanks, I’ll have to find one I feel comfortable with. There’s been a lot happening already but losing Melbcat has really undone me
    
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_miss_cellophane_@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
🫂🫂🫂

In the past I was very adverse to medication due to side effects, till I found a Dr that was willing to work with my concerns and we found a non-SSRI med that didn’t have the side effects I was worried about (Agomelatine/ Valdoxan). It may be worth broaching the topic with your GP to explore options.

I also wonder if a commissioned soft toy of Melbcat would be comforting. It may also be safer than her Urn to sleep with. 🖤

You are doing so well working through this grief. The first month is the hardest. Numbness seeps in a bit like a scab.

I lost my dog a couple of years ago.

spoiler
**it was the hardest thing to bear. If I hadn’t have been in a relationship with someone else acting as a tether at the time, I’m not sure I’d still be here.

For me the first year was a year of mourning, but it gets easier to remember all the good times, and how much they were loved. I have developed meaningful rituals on his birthday and anniversary of passing. He continues to be a part of my life as I continue to move on.

I hope you gentle recovery and I hope this somewhat helps or consoles you. 🖤

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- melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  I’ve tried that one repeatedly. It made me mildly sleepy for a few weeks initially then pooped out, now it does nothing. I’m possibly a lost cause.
  
  Soft toys are too light. They feel cold and dead.
  
  I’m sorry to go on but I loved my cat like a child and losing her has been the straw that broke the camels back.
  
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  - _miss_cellophane_@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    Completely understandable. No need to be sorry. 🫂
    
    I’m sorry for the unsolicited advice. I only wish there was some way to help. Which I also know is impossible.
    
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    melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
    It’s cool, I’m just a bit inconsolable
    
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imoldgreeeg@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
Hugs.

Here are a few things that have helped me when grieving. Take or leave

something really small that’s just nice that you can either look forward to or savour. Ginger tea or sweet black tea - just sipping and enjoying is my go to. Or finding a eucalyptus and just putting my hand on it and saying good morning. Tiny tiny tiny little rituals.

use some external thing to drown out the rumination. For me that’s ABC late night radio, a few really low stakes podcasts (dear Hank and John is my current one) yoga lectures, audiobooks. Just something I can listen to and not the thoughts. I call it constructive disassociation.

on audiobooks the ABC listen app has a whole heap of free classics as audiobooks. Classics are great because they are a bit dull. I read all of Asimov’s books and others when my sister was dying

emergency relief. Sure you know the basic panic attack stuff. Look up humming breath and ujjayi breath. Lie on your back with legs up (e.g. resting on bed) or in fetal position with cushion between legs and do one of these. The noise helps calm .

I will pop more thoughts in if anything helps. You know the basics - sleep, water, food, sun, move. But these are some little weird things that have helped. Also I sometimes set a timer. I will crap into bed and curl up. Set alarm for 15 mins. Feel it all for an amount of time the get up shower/move/glass of water and big breath. The timer is more about permission to let go then “you must be done and up again now” if that makes sense. The trick is letting it out/integrate while still living in the littlest of ways.
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- melbaboutown@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago
  Thanks, I really appreciate this.
  
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