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wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

Spoken like someone who has never had to deal with those thoughts.

Nice baseless assumption fuckboy.

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For those unfamiliar, those are anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Mine.

I’ve already spouted my personal psychological issues across other comments. I’m so sorry that I didn’t take the time to qualify my statement with an essay about my personal bullshit here.

I’m truly sorry about what you’re going through. If you feel that way then you aren’t getting the help you need. Notably, you also already have your clear reason not to end it. You should focus on that and work to build more reasons not to instead of getting pissy at an internet stranger for calling people out on glorification of suicide.

To put this as simple as fucking possible, in incredibly vague and simplistic terms (that are still true by personal fucking experience)

There is value in knowing you’re not alone in your feelings, and humor reaches farther than other means, sure. But the internet as a whole is clearly far past that point, and I’m getting increasingly more exhausted sitting by and watching this shit be normalized.

I’ve been living with ADHD my whole life (close to 35 years now). Depression (officially) for around 15. Anxiety for around a decade.

There’s at least a five year span of my life that effectively isn’t there. There’s still a small voice in the back of my head afraid I’ll either wake up one morning and be back there, or I’ll come back to my senses and find that the past decade has been all delusion as my car is plummeting off the local bridge or into oncoming traffic lanes from what was a constant battle every day not to just fucking do it.

I have a mental list of various options for how I’d do it if it came to it, backed by actual fucking research. I did back then too, and was fucked up enough to not care anymore about the hurt to those around me or the potential pain to myself from doing it in a dumb as hell way like a traffic accident. Good way to end up still alive but crippled physically and financially for the rest of your life.

Anyway.

One of the hardest things to accept is that there is some logic and soundness to the dumbasses saying “have you just tried not being x?”.

It’s not that simple, true. People who don’t have these issues will never understand, true. It will be some of the most unrewarding, soul draining shit you’ve ever attempted, and there’s no shame if you can’t get there yet or if you can’t do it on your own.

But here’s the worst part: they aren’t entirely wrong.

You build your healthy coping mechanisms and your psychological toolkit to fight against this shit through constant neverending effort to work against the bad internal shit. The more you work against it, the stronger those tools get. Eventually, like repeated practice of martial arts or musical instruments over years, the things that took concious effort will begin to become unconcious. The equivalent of mental muscle memory, for lack of a phrase for it that doesn’t sound silly.

You’ll stumble. You’ll fail. You’ll have to start back over from what feels like (and may actually be) square one. But that work against it is ultimately the core of any way you’re going to be able to keep moving forward.

It will never be as simple as “just don’t be sad, lol”, but some aspect of your journey out of it will have to come from personal effort to not be what you are today.

On top of all that?

This isn’t even an actually funny joke about not wanting to exist anymore. “haha, I don’t want to live anymore even though they do! Rofl lmao.”

Boo! Get some better material.

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