Comment on Anon asks out a friend
phlegmy@sh.itjust.works 12 hours agoIt’s understandable why you would feel that way.
People change all the time though.
Perhaps after some of those relationships, they found personality/stability to be more important than looks.
Or maybe they’ve spent years regretting the decision, and the short relationships along the way failed because nobody could compare to you.
Or maybe they genuinely are as shallow as you think, and you’re the last resort in the dating pool.
You can never really know for sure.
rekabis@lemmy.ca 6 hours ago
…And? So what?
Actually, let me rephrase that: So fucking what??
Any decision made comes with consequences. The decision to close the metaphorical door to preserve self-respect and mental health comes with consequences. And conversely, passing someone over because you think you can do better also comes with consequences when you discover to have been unable to actually do better.
My problem is the prevailing societal sentiment that only women have the right to say “no”. That only women have the right to close and bolt the relationship door. That men have a duty to accept a woman’s attentions no matter what, and especially if she had rejected him previously. And that he becomes a social pariah, open to mockery and vicious reputational attacks if he says no or keeps that metaphorical door closed himself.
Sorry, that’s not how “equality” works in any way, shape, or form. That’s anti-male gender bigotry, plain and simple. There is just no other way to spin it.
phlegmy@sh.itjust.works 4 hours ago
Men reject women all the time, with no societal repercussions.
You have the right to not give someone a second chance, nobody is taking that away from you. I’m just saying the world isn’t always as shallow as your comments portray it to be.
Rejecting someone doesn’t mean you have decided you can do better, or that you aren’t attracted to them. It means at that exact moment in time you weren’t prepared to enter that relationship.
If you get mocked for rejecting a woman, you’re either still in school, or need to get some better friends. Because no sane, rational people would ever think less of you for who you do/don’t date.
rekabis@lemmy.ca 4 hours ago
Tell me you have never been next to an in-group of women when one of them have been turned down, without saying you have absolutely no clue about inter-female dynamics and discussions.
Like, holy flaming ignorance, Batman. Do you walk through life completely blind? Or have you never just observed women, especially when they don’t know another man is within earshot?
Yes, not all women, but holy hell certainly a fair majority of them.
The only possible conclusion I can draw: you have never rejected a woman, nor seen a woman be rejected and - more importantly - witnessed the aftermath once the woman has returned to her in-group.
In my several decades of being an adult I’ve seen plenty of vicious whisper campaigns that targeted not only the man, but also any other woman he was even mildly friendly towards.
And it’s directly proportional to how high a social status the man has. So maybe you’ve not personally experienced it because you have an extremely low social status? Like, double-wide-trailer low? IDK, I’m just trying to understand how you’re missing trivially-observable real-world evidence.
fodor@lemmy.zip 4 hours ago
I have not seen the evidence you’ve seen. Maybe your social circle is particularly fucked up? Maybe mine is luckily less judgmental? … What you described is common for college and early twenties, in my experience, and less so after that.
phlegmy@sh.itjust.works 3 hours ago
Well yeah, if you turn down a woman, she’s going to tell her friends about it.
And those friends probably won’t be interested in starting a relationship with you any time soon.
Those secret whisper campaigns sound straight out of a teenage movie, and not at all how mature people behave. I’d say you dodged a bullet in that case.
Your anecdotal experience is not representative of everyone else’s though, and neither is mine.
I don’t appreciate you resorting to personal attacks to convey your beliefs, so this will be my last reply.
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 4 hours ago
Is it really that bad?