People like you are why dating makes me nervous. I end up scrutinizing actions that haven’t happened and make myself feel guilty for things I can’t control.
yesman@lemmy.world 2 days ago
In the US, of 100 rapes against girls and women reported to the police, 18 will be prosecuted.
Jeffery Epstein and his cohort abused hundreds of girls, and all anybody cares about is what powerful man might be embarrassed. Has anyone proposed or suggested anything to protect girls from rich perverts?
From the founding till 1951, raping your wife was legal in all 50 states. And that protection extended in several states beyond the federal change. Some states even made common-law husbands immune.
The Christian Bible considers rape to be a property crime. in conservative circles, girls as young as 12 are regularly married off to their rapist.
The leading cause of death for pregnant people in the US is homicide.
I think young women considering men to be a threat is pretty rational.
macaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Star@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
And women are nervous in dating because if they trust the wrong person, they might get raped and murdered. Unfortunately, in the reality we live in, dating can’t really be carefree. With more systemic issues addressed, perhaps it can be.
macaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Go ahead and read again what I wrote. I haven’t killed anyone, don’t plan to, don’t want to, and can’t control anyone who does.
Star@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 hours ago
All men should aspire to be like you, then. We’d have a much safer world that way.
fushuan@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Sure, but they don't know, people lie. If we put in a balance your feeling being hurt vs them being murdered and/or raped, I'd say that unfortunately it's better for now for you to feel bad.
Stillwater@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Get mad at the system of patriarchy that created this situation
macaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
And we can only do that with a coalition of people to support that cause. Blaming and segmenting people for existing does nothing but weaken the base of support.
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
The Christian Bible considers rape to be a property crime.
Got any specific verses to cite for this? It’s brought up often enough, but I’ve rarely if ever seen the source. I have a strong feeling that’s from the old testament, of which many Christians ignore the “laws” due to the events of the new testament.
Promise I’m not trying to sealion here. It’s just that these are big claims that I’ve not seen reflected first hand in my 30 plus years in and out of Christianity.
I’m also going to softly remind everyone that the old testament writings are also foundational to Jewish faith and Islamic faith, which is consistently left out of most of these discussions of the ills of religion.
orclev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
They’re likely basing it on a verse (that I don’t have handy at the moment) but it says something to the effect that if a mans wife is raped by someone he has to pay a certain amount of silver to the husband in compensation. I couldn’t tell you if it was old testament or not (probably though, sounds very old testament). I think the way it’s phrased was something like “if a man lays with another man’s woman, he must pay him X whatever”.
tomcatt360@lemmy.zip 4 hours ago
Here are the verses I could find with some quick searching: Deuteronomy 22:28-29 “28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.” Exodus 22:16-17 “16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.” Both of these require the rapist/seducer to marry the woman and to pay the standard dowry amount to the woman’s father. The exodus verse gives the father the option to reject the marriage, which is a good addition! (IMO since the Deuteronomy version was written later, the rejection clause might have been left out in later versions of the law.) Both of these verses are from the Old Testament, which Christians mostly use for cultural context, as Jesus fulfilled the Law of Moses during his ministry. Most Christians take laws that only appear in the Old Testament as historical, but no longer consider them doctrine. Also, the culture of Old Testament believers was significantly different and so applying these laws to todays Christians doesn’t account for then assive cultural differences. (For example, Exodus 22:18, right after the passage above says “18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” Which has been used out of its cultural context to justify actual witch hunts!) In conclusion, both versions of this historical law are considered superceded by most modern Christians.
XTL@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Not to mention the verse will be in the old testament, i.e. the non-Christian part.
Maeve@kbin.earth 1 day ago
So are the ten commandments. I'm ok with cherry picking. Take what reflects the best, discard the worst.
orclev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s the bit about claiming all men are a threat. That’s just as wrong as claiming all black people are criminals because they have the largest proportion of incarcerations (and yes I know that’s got a lot more to do with systemic racism than anything else, but that’s kind of the point). Blanket statements based on gender, ethnicity, or even age are wrong even when it’s a minority making a blanket statement about the majority.
When you blindly attack everyone all that does is discourage anyone from wanting to help you, even those that agree with many of your points. Making far reaching easily disprovable blanket statements is not how you go about collecting allies to try to fix societies problems.
atrielienz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Nah. Don’t play the word games this way. Women and girls have to operate under the assumption that “all men” specifically because to do otherwise puts them at significant disadvantage and in significant danger. Unknown unknown - I don’t know this man, or those men, but statistics say 92.1 % of sexual offenders are men and 1 in 6 women will experience rape. There’s a sexual assault every 68 seconds.
So while it may seem unfair to say “all men” because obviously all men, I have a lot of questions about how op wrote this post.
All bears aren’t gonna try to eat you. There’s lots of circumstance where that’s not going to happen. But the question is do you assume you are in danger from every bear you run across?
The thing about the statistics for African American crime is that a lot of them are deliberately misleading and weaponized against that demographic.
If we’re strictly arguing against weaponizing statistics against a demographic I can understand. But if op is questioning a woman or women being cautious of him because they have a reasonable fear of being assaulted that’s not the same thing.
Women take extra precautions as a matter of course in their daily every day lives to avoid sexual assault and worse. This is something they do both consciously and unconsciously. And still the mostly likely person to kill a woman is their male significant other or someone they know. Someone they probably trust.
orclev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Sure but there’s a world of difference between “women need to be cautious around men” and “all men are predators”. One is an unfortunate but reasonable statement while the other is a discriminatory generalization. The former could honestly just be rephrased as “people need to be cautious around strangers” and it would be just as accurate.
The problem with statistics like “There’s a sexual assault every 68 seconds” is that they sound really bad but you can do essentially the exact same exercise with any sufficiently large population and come up with similarly scary sounding numbers. E.G. There’s a car crash every 13 seconds.
As for the bear analogy, while I’m sure there are plenty of circumstances in which a individual bear wouldn’t attack someone, as you spend more time around any given bear the likelihood of it attacking you approaches 100% even more so when taken as a population. The same does not hold true around men. There are billions of men on this planet the vast overwhelming majority of which are not a danger to women.
Just like the example of African American crime there’s a lot more to this statistic. For instance is that number so high because most men don’t report sexual assaults therefore skewing the number of women sexual offenders down? There are lots of complicating societal factors there. Regardless that doesn’t justify the sweeping generalization that “all men are predators” or even the slightly weaker “most men are predators”, as very obviously the majority are not.
Avalokitesha@programming.dev 1 day ago
The longer a woman lives, the more men she comes in contact with, and the statistical likelihood of meeting a dangerous man goes up.
You say “all men are predators” is discriminatory, but for a lot of women it is the only way to drive the point home to their daughters, who may hear “you have to be careful around strangers” and then let their guard down when a predator plays the long game.
Also, children are often sexually abused by family members or friends. So careful around strangers is not sufficient.
Does it suck to hear “All men are predators” if you’re a good one? Sure. But at the same time, people have no issues claiming all brown guys are terrorists or illegals. Or women are gold diggers. Or whores.
Humans always generalize. It’s just (white) men having been on top of the food chain in the modern society for so long that they feel things are being taken away from them when other groups demand true fairness and equal treatment.
atrielienz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Are you encouraging men to come forward with their sexual assault to experience? Are you supportive of them when they are harmed in this way? Do you go out of your way every day of your life to prevent sexual assault or things that lead to sexual assault?
You’re deliberately using something you know is inflammatory as a poorly thought out analogy. That’s my first problem with what you said.
The second problem is that you’re deliberately ignoring how trauma (which most women have) affects the ability to communicate, and further affects how we as humans perceive threats. That’s the second problem.
Third problem is that as it stands women do all of the heavy lifting when trying to prevent sexual assault. All of it. We’re the ones who pushed for rape and sexual assault to have legal definitions under the law. We’re the ones who pushed to criminalize a lot of the stuff that the original commenter for this thread bought up. We’re the ones who created and implemented strategies to lower the chances of sexual assault. In my experience it is women who go out of there way to look out for other women. Do men go out of their way to live ok out for other men?
Men have most of the privilege in this situation and do just about nothing to actually help (to prevent sexual assault, or to make sexual assault/worse things unacceptable in society). Now they’re feeling the pressure to do something about it so they don’t get labeled or grouped with “the bad sort” and their response isn’t to blame other men. It’s to blame and shit on women. Their response isn’t to try to help prevent sexual assault or speak up when they see something. It’s to lash out at women for using hyperbole. Which you admit that all human beings do.
You immediately assumed that because I don’t agree with what you said I must think all men are rapists or sexual assaulters, or that I think that it’s okay to accuse all men of this thing. That’s not the case. But what I’m asking you to acknowledge is that this is a story on the internet with scant details about the interaction from a person who’s got every reason to lie by omission.
And you’re so stuck on not wanting to be labeled or grouped with bad actors that you are actively blind to what other people are trying to tell you which is that this is a problem created by a patriarchal society that is enabled by that same society and therefore is a problem created by men for men that men actively can help solve but don’t.
TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website 1 day ago
If you feel attacked by « all men is a rapist » you’ll need to reconsider what you are
orclev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
And if you think. “All men are rapists” is a sane and reasonable statement you’re definitely a misandrist and just as wrong as the misogynists.
mrductape@eviltoast.org 1 day ago
Well I feel attacked. Because I am a man and I have never raped anyone. Yet, by such broad statements, I, and many other man are immediately put in the rapist category.
How would you like statements like all woman are thieves?
Doesn’t feel right to put a lot of people in one category based on gender right? It is just as much bullshit.
Yes, most rape is from a man done to a woman. That does not mean that every man will rape woman. It’s just not true, and you immediately lose any chance of having a normal conversation with a man if you start by accusing them of a crime. That there is no proof of, and did not happen in most cases.
Try opening up a conversation with any stranger on the street by accusing them of being a murderer. How long will that laat and how much are you going to achieve by that? It’s just stupid.
If you want to change the world you have to talk to other people, build bridges and understand each other. Not wildy accuse each other of criminal behaviour just based on gender.
And that, is all the energy I am spending today on this nonsense.