Comment on Sloth Demon
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days agoOh, I think there’s a misunderstanding, I wasn’t referring to relationships in general, only the ones where one of the partners is expected/insists on doing all of the household/caretaking tasks by themselves, those I find overbearing and draining.
Relationships overall, quite the contrary! I generally find them fulfilling, although I show a tendency to seek familiarity, which means unhealthy dynamics and, frequently, unpleasant endings… That’s 75% on me and my still-mending patterns (because I am aware there are many manipulators who specifically seek out their targets).
And I don’t find the world in general draining, either! What drains me is hate, greed, bigotry, xenophobia of all shapes and sizes, everything driving some of our species to commit horrible acts. But to say that the world in general drains me is to be unfair to the myriad people who are beacons of wisdom, who have that particular spark which lights up a whole room, those who can see even the tiniest details and set them into wonderfully intricate webs of causality!
Not just that, but the world itself is wondrous! I cannot but feel recharged when I see a starry night sky, or a warm summer sunset, sit and listen to the waves crashing against the shore, or just lose myself for hours in meditation listening to rain pattering over everything around me!
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org 2 days ago
It fills me to the brim to know you can see the way your cup fills at the marvel of our stars, at the patience within your meditation.
Relationships like this can be draining because you wish to compensate or match somehow. So it creates almost a directionless frustration of inadequacy.
It is how I felt when my love would work 2 jobs and I had so much time and couldn’t really do chores because of my upbringing. Making it a threshold I had to cross as an adult.
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Ooh, I wouldn’t consider that a parent-partner type of relationship, sounds like there were some solid reasons for that unbalanced distribution! At least, that’s how I would see it, with the context of my upbringing having left me with several deficiencies in other areas of my psyche. They can be hard thresholds to cross, objectively speaking.
As for the frustration, as I understand it from this context, it was generated not by being coddled/babied., but by wanting and being unable. To me, it all comes down to intent. If a person wants to [something] but they can’t [something] due to stuff like health issues (physical or psychological), then that’s a completely different type of situation, it’s part of those objective incapacitators which I’ve mentioned in my initial comment.
To me, this is perfectly understandable and acceptable as long as it’s clear to me that my partner truly wants to try to rebalance everything. It’s when these types of blockers are constantly being used as an excuse, yet nothing is done to try to get through them that I see as a problem, because it basically means said person isn’t interested in participating from the start.
Either way, I’m sorry you had to go through that… I know how difficult it can be to want to do something, but to not be allowed to do so by our own brain…
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org 2 days ago
Your words are kind and sweet. Thank you.
It does always come down to want as cause for any suffering.
latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Fully deserved, from what you’ve shared, and I’d also add a hug, so🤗 I can only imagine the inner pressure all of that bubbling frustration generated…
And, yes, want is always the key, to both good and bad things, unfortunately… Although even so, I’d honestly say that a helluva lot of people could do with more intentionality behind their existing, I’d at least have some respect for some of the crumminess currently spreading around like a fungal infection if it were intentional, but most of it’s simply because some people don’t even look where they’re going, y’know? Feels, like… the most pointless form of a lie, to everyone including oneself, dunno…