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Comment on My boyfriend feels weird about sleeping over at my place because I live with my parents. How can I help him loosen up?

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WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

Another way to look at this is that you are lucky he isn’t the sort of guy to nail your hips to the mattress while forcing you to scream daddy as your biological father shifts uncomfortably next to his morning coffee at the breakfast table.

Dude has normal boundaries, if one of you has a private place, that is where you should be staying. I’m honestly curious as to why you want him to stay at your parents place when he has a perfectly usable apartment for both of you.

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andrewta@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Just to make this more awkward

Her: oh God, YES DADDY

Dad: COMING

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- WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Boyfriend: CUMMING
  
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feelthepop@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I’m really close with my family and also a homebody. It’d be fun to have him around as part of the household for a bit, part of the trivial day to day life. Monotonous domestic life…

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- WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  He is the person with a home. If you want him as part of your household, you should consider moving in together in a place that doesn’t belong to your parents.
  
  When you find someone to make a family with, you are making a new family. It is not functional long term to try to work him into your existing family like that. One woman’s comfortable monotony is another man’s perpetual guest status.
  
  I think the more feasible version of what you want would be some sort of family vacation that he is invited along for, but even that needs to come with private space for the two of you each day. Neutral territory lets people build a new status quo, and your parent’s place isn’t neutral at all. I know this might all sound dramatic and insane right now, but I’m speaking from a lifetime of experience—putting him in your parents space for over 24 hours is going to create mental stress for him that will have an adverse effect on your relationship, especially if you don’t acknowledge his stress as valid.
  
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  - feelthepop@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Thanks. I really appreciate the advice. I’m just not an inhibited person at all, so I find it difficult to relate to these kinds of feelings.
    
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    WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    And that is ok, you don’t have to personally understand it to acknowledge that his anxieties are valid and real. I wish you the best. It sounds like you have a good guy and good parents.
    
    Just channel that inhibition towards traditional exhibitionism instead of parental exhibitionism, and I think you’ll be set.
    
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    naught101@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Personally I think @WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com’s take is a bit prescriptive, but I do think that if you want a good long-term relationship, then it’s about finding what’s comfortable for both of you, not just for one of you. Boundary pushing can be OK, but usually only with prior consent or better some expression of desire… If either one of you pushes the other into doing something the other doesn’t really want, that’s probably not gonna pan out well in he long run. Listening (especially to the “why” part) and working together is impotant.
    
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