Comment on Is flirting redundant?

CameronDev@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

• FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Perhaps we have different ideas on what flirting is

  I think we do. I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.

  but to me, its the things you do to build a connection (talking, joking, hanging out, etc).

  How is that different from making friends though? I mean that’s exactly what I do with friends and basically anyone.

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  • CameronDev@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Do you mean like pickup lines? If so, yeah, I dont think those are necessary anymore. But that said, I haven’t dated in years, so what would I know :/

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  • WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Is your end goal with your friends to put your mouth where the sun don’t shine? If not, that’s the difference.

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  • Acamon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I don’t see flirting as very different from making friends. The two biggest differences would be speed and boundaries.

    If I’m trying to make friends, I’d be mindful to not seem too keen and obvious, which is also generally good flirting advice, but sometimes you can be extremely obvious with flirting (the “nice boots, wanna fuck?” approach). I’m sure there are situations where saying “I want to be your friend!” is a good strategy but they’re pretty damn rare (and probably involve been on mdma).

    When you’re building any relationship or connection, one of the necessary steps is breaching boundaries. By sharing personal information (whether it’s hobbies, or a personal tragedy) or making jokes or teasing (if appropriate and appreciated) helps move a relationship from “stranger” to “friend”, similarly eating together, inviting someone into your home, or physical contact all represent breaking down boundaries and closer and more personal relationships.

    Different social groups have different ideas about appropriate behaviour at specific levels of relationship. I have social groups where being ‘cheeky’ and even outright mean to a new person is how they show they’re one of the gang. Similarly, there groups of people who can be lifelong friends, but still wouldn’t be comfortable hugging. For many people, flirting, especially if you’re aiming for a sexual relationship, often involves more physical boundary testing than with platonic friends (letting your hands touch, flicking dust off their clothes - and just FYI, if you’re not sure what you’re doing, it’s almost always better to let the other person be the first to initiate physical contact, especially if they’re a woman). But saying that, some straight guys I’ve known are very physical with male friends both with hugs and friendly punches, so it’s not a strict line.

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