Acamon

@Acamon@lemmy.world

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Are old people usually attracted to other old people?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve always been attracted to folks with cute & youthful vibe. But when I was a teen that was pretty restricted to other teens, even the ‘young looking’ twenty year olds who were playing high-school students on TV obviously looked older and therefore less attractive to me.

  But now I’m in my 40s my range of who looks youthful and hot is much wider. Now I find 20s hotter than teens, 30s can look pretty youthful, and I’m not super attracted to older people, but I find them less gross because I’m used to what older bodies look like (I have one!). And since physical attractiveness is just one part of overall attraction, I’d probably find a cute & 39 person more overall attractive than cute & 19, just because my experience is that most 39 year olds are funnier and more socially skilled than teenagers.

  I can’t imagine every finding a 70 year old hotter on a physical level to 20 year old. But I can imagine being so content and in love with my elderly partner that I didn’t care that much.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Welp.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yeah, I good with the message, but that’s one of the most uncomfortable looking photos I’ve seen. Where are they supposed to be looking?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨For every 30 minutes theres a 50% chance my right shoe lace will come undone⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Interesting! How do you tie it the right way?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what works for you to learn large numbers of technical / medicinal jargon?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yup, flashcards and spaced repitition are pretty well evidenced for memorisation. I’m also a fan of mind maps, but that’s more for linking ideas and concepts together, not just learning acronyms, but mixing the two works well.

  There are other memorisation techniques that you might find helpful depending on how keen you are (visualisation, methods of loci, etc) but for most people they feel like to much trouble to learn. Creating mnemonics and associating stupid images and stuff with otherwise arbitary acronyms can help. I can still remember all my physics equations from high-school QIT PIV etc because of stupid nonsense phrases I associated with them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Please tell me I'm not going nuts⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yeah, I think this is a naive and hopeful as the maga types thinking Trump is a genius playing 4d chess.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨When people in constitutional monarchies pledge loyalty to the monarch, is it actually for real, or just symbolic / a pro-forma thing?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I think “according to the law” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. That is the part that really makes it an oath to the ‘constitution’ of the UK. You are pledging alligence to the figurehead of the government, to obey them/the government, as long as they/the government are acting legally. If the government does something illegal, or asks you to do something illegal, you should not obey them.

  I’m British, and not a fan of the monarchy (especially Charles) but I think that we can see the advantages of having a head of state who has very little power to fuck things up, and that isn’t a position that outside forces billionaires can buy their way into, but has the power to remove a Prime Minister if they tried to do something unconstitutional.

  The idea of checks and balances in the US didn’t seem to plan for a bad president being elected with enough support in the house and Senate that he becomes pretty much untouchable (especially after a first term stacking the SC).

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Is cops being evil/lazy/incompetent a USA specific thing, or is it the same everywhere in the world?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m defintely not a fan of cops, but in Scotland I never thought of them as evil/lazy/incompetent. They’re still the arm of state control, and have been used to break strikes and stuff, but there is at least a vibe of policing by consent. There are plenty of cases of individual cops who were psychos, and the institution defintely defaults to ‘protecting it’s own’ which is a fucking terrible attitude and in my mind makes all cops culpable for the crimes of the “bad apples”. So I’m still acab overall.

  But most of my interactions with the police have been pretty decent, and that includes being questioned as a suspect (for something that I may not have been innocent of…) They don’t ‘solve’ many petty crimes like burglary that actual effect normal people but they are generally university educated and properly trained.

  I now live in France, where the police are none of those things. I’ve only heard bad things about them ranging from patronising and incompetent to raping student protesters in the back of the police van. I would never ask a French cop for help, but unless I was high or carrying something illegal, i wouldn’t be worried about talking to a Scottish policeman.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨At what point in the friendship does dating become awkward?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I think any good relationship will make you friends, and it isn’t awkward, it’s great! But having been married a while, it is something you need to work at. With a long term partner they can end up in a bunch of different types of relationships with you - as well as friend, romantic parter and lover, they might be the equivalent of business parter, or boss/employee (for various household and family chores / projects) and learning how to do all those things well, and without ruining the other parts of the relationship can be challenge.

  But if the balance is just between ‘friend’ and ‘gf’, I’d say the trick is knowing when to prioritise one over the over. There are times I’m horny and want to take things in that direction, but I realise my partner would rather have a cup of tea and complain about work. Equally, we might be getting intimate, and I’m tempted to make some dumb joke, because it’s funny and that’s what I do with a friend, so I have to weigh up my priorities (mostly sex wins, but sometimes I say the dumb thing and we both have a big laugh and then make dinner.)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What’s the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Echoing other lemmings, there’s basically no difference. There js a certain niche who seem to think that pansexual is more trans inclusive, but that attitude doesn’t align with almost all bisexuals opinions on the matter, or with the history of how the bisexual community has been accepting and collaborating with the trans community since pretty much the birth of both communities.

  The delightful verilybitchie, who is both bisexual and trans, has a bunch of good video on the history of bisexuality, trans stuff, and biphobia*. They are defintely worth watching!

  • it’s pretty hard to hear ‘bisexuals exclude trans people’ and not feel like that’s an example of biphobia.
• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  That finding is pretty mind blowing!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Totally. And eventually people get to the age where “embarrassing” medical stuff is so common that it doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. Just be matter of fact about it, if you don’t act like it’s embarrassing then they won’t either.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  As people age their faces sag due to changes in skin elasticity (and also often gaining weight), this can lead to a “resting sad face” compared with perky youngsters. But, as a middle aged person, I’ve also started to notice that I often get absorbed in my thoughts and realise I’m sitting there with a thousand yard stare and a drawn facial expression I associate with being sad or very sick or very hungover.

  But inside I’m not sad, I’m just thinking about something I need to do or whatever, but I feel like I need to consciously “inhabit” my body again and “power up” my facial muscles so I look thoughtful, or determined or something rather than a blank “my family has just died in a car crash and I can’t decide whether to call the ambulance or kill myself with a shard of broken windscreen” expression.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨So, is the USA screwed?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s an interesting point, because in terms of wealth inequality and unbridled exploitative capitalism stuff was pretty fucking dreadful back then too. But I don’t think there was as much interest in the super rich taking control of the government, because the government didn’t do that much and had never really been a problem for the wealthy (apart from that time they tried to abolish slavery…)

  I’m normally a “folks need to work together, big problems need big solutions” European lefty, but seeing the horror of what a powerful central government can do when it’s in the hands of crazy dipshits… It certainly highlights the benefits of small governments and localised power. Maybe this will lead to growth of some forces of progress that aren’t the federal government? The question is whether after the inevitable crash and burn, the next government will be willing to introduce the actual constraints, checks and balances to not let this happen again?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How important is flirting within the dating scene?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  There’s a difference between ‘faking’ / trying to become something you’re not and improving your communication style /skills. You’re meeting women, not flirting, and not progressing into the kinds of relationships you want. You don’t need to start ‘flirting’ (whatever that means to you), but maybe you can change what’s happening after meeting people. I assume your speaking with people you find attractive? How do you build a connection with them? How are you letting them know you’re interested in taking things further?

  There’s a big difference from A) meeting women, being pleasant, and hoping that one of them asks you out, and B) meeting women, having some friendly conversations, then asking if they want to start dating. Those are extremes, but the space in the middle can all be considered forms of flirting.

  Flirting doesnt need to be some special way of making eye contact, or lame pick up lines. Having fun, making jokes and being silly can be flirting. Asking someone politely if they’d like to get coffee some time can be flirting. Flirting is just the process of letting the other person know that you’re interested in them in a romantic / sexual way, and good flirting is letting them know that in a way that doesn’t make them uncomfortable and makes it easy for them to respond without making things awkward for either of you.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Do you feel like you've reached the end of what the world has to offer?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  One one level, obviously you can never experience everything, the world is fricking massive and ever-changing. But you can feel like you’ve seen and done everything that interests you, and find it hard to remain curious and develop new interests. There have been times that I think the only interests and goals that will ever feel relevant to me are ones that I’ve had since I was a kid. But even “eating yummy food, playing games and reading fantasy books” is more than enough to fill my entire life.

  When I’ve been lucky enough to have the time, I’ve filled many hours, day after day, cooking delicious meals and trying new things in the kitchen, and the list of things I want to try expands just as fast as I tick them off. Similarly, although I’ve read countless fantasy novels over the decades I’ve only just got round to reading classics like Conan and Elric, and there’s so much more out there - and people write more books every year!

  But there are times when I can’t face new challenges, and I retreat to the easy comfort of things I know. This can be reassuring and restful, but if I get to the stage where I’m sick of watching the same show I’ve seen so many times, then I know it’s time for me to start pushing myself to try new things and develop new tastes (even if it’s just subvarieties of things I already like). And if I don’t feel up to that, it means I need to get some support and help to improve my mood and clear my thinking.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨If I’m mostly attracted to men, is it «wrong» to consider myself pan?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I agree with most of the other comments that labels aren’t really important. But if you do want to think about and describe your sexuality for whatever purpose, go for it. And as a lifelong bisexual, self doubt is a common enough trope in bi/pansexual communities to get it’s own label, ‘bi imposter syndrome’. Some bi (or pan, I see the difference as mostly stylistic) people are equally attracted to all genders, some have a significant tendency one way or another, and some think they have a preference and then it switches, and sometimes switches back again and again. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for so long now, I sometimes wonder ‘am I really bi? Am I just pretending? Maybe I just didn’t know what I wanted when I was young, and now I can admit I’m just gay’. But then I speak to some girl, or see a hottie on TV, and realise I’m defitnely sexually attracted to them.

  If bi is so broad to include anyone who has ever had, or could have, sexual attraction to anyone who wasn’t their traditional hetero gender, is there any point in the label? Isn’t almost everyone bi? Sure! I kinda think everyone is kinda bi on some level. But it’s also about what purpose a label serves. If someone described themselves as ‘pan’, I would assume they woukd open-minded and nonjudgemental about people of different sexualites and genders. I wouldn’t assume they’d automatically be attracted to everyone they met, even straight men aren’t attracted to every woman. I use to avoid calling myself gay, because I’m bi, but I realised that insisting on that was sometimes kinda homophobic, and as someone married to another man, I have a lot in common with lots of gay folks. But I also sometimes refer to myself as a “straight white man” when talking about privilege, because most acquaintances don’t think of me as gay so I’ve never experienced much discrimination on that front, and don’t feel I can claim to speak as a ‘minority’.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It is mildly infuriating​ that this community is STILL being used for actually infuriating​content⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  How not? Is it mildly infuriating that people keep posting actually infuriating stuff to the community. It’s not a huge problem, but it’s definitely mildly infuriating.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Will online only "Device Activation" become the norm for every device in the future? / Will everything require an app in the future?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Anyone got good suggestions for affordable cameras that don’t require an app?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the deal with Signal?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I think the number of people who care deeply about privacy and cannot tell the difference between an sms or signal message is minimal. There were plenty of ways signal could have highlighted DANGER UNSECURE CHANNEL if they had wanted to, or made it an off-by-default option, rather than drop SMS entirely. For myself and many other people it meant that family members dropped Signal rather than have an extra messaging app, and so I’m still stuck with WhatsApp on my phone…

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m not sure about your visual interpretation, but I completely agree that the two scales don’t translate directly, and that if something is rated 7/10 I’d assume it’s better than something rated 3.5 stars / 5.

  As to the reason? I wonder if the scales five different senses of the middle value? In a five star system, 3/5 film is the middle value, and not especially good nor bad, but I’d probably give the same “totally average, not good not bad” film 5/10. Similarly, it seems weird to translate “Awful, 1/5” into “Awful, 2/10”. So maybe the difference comes from a lack of clarity about half stars, it’s okay to give 0.5 / 5? But not 0? Or 5.5?

  And that doesn’t even start to address the modern “if it’s rated less than 4.6* it’s probably awful” issue…

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's mildly infuriating when I'm constantly hit with major political issues in this community when I'm here for mild⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Totally agree.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨moms rule⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  As the other commentator says, medieval Europe was mostly early twenties. Studies of stone age remains suggest a first birth age average of 19.5 and contemporary hunter gather societies have a comparable average. Sexual activity generally begins earlier, during adolescence, but the most “reproductively successful” age for beginning childbearing has been shown to be around 18-19. Also, this age at first birth isnt “Average age of a child’s mother” as many women would have multiple kids over their life, so the average sibling would have a much older mother at birth than the firstborn.

  Its important to remember that puberty has shifted massively since industrialisation, "menarche age has receded from 16.5 years in 1880 to the current 12.5 years in western societies". So the post-puberty fecundity peak, that use to happen 17-19, when women are fully grown enough to minimise birth complications, now happens at a disressingly young 13-15. Not only is this a big social yuck for most western societies, but it’s reproductively unideal, because of the complications linked to childbirth at that age.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who's Tom and who was he peeping?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I guess like the Goths, the Franks were a barbarian tribe, who were presumably reasonably direct and… frank, compared to sophisticated imperial types.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What realistically would happen if someone came back to life from the dead ?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I imagine it would be a total ballache for the person theguardian.com/…/they-said-i-dont-exist-but-i-am…

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  The use of a pretend quote is one thing, but what is the middle quotation mark doing?

  Manny’s Milk “We’ll deliver that white cream” that puts a smile on your wife’s face"

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Is everyone too distracted by the cringe to be infuriated at the punctuation? Wtf is happening with those quotation marks?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the deal with male loneliness?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I think the reason for down votes is that the comment suggests that issues with dating are the reason for male loneliness, when most people in the thread would argue that believing that ‘a romantic partner is the only acceptable source of meaningful emotional connection available to men’ is a big part of male loneliness.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  If this is a genuine question, and not a halfhearted attempt at trolling, you need to be more specific about what you’re asking:

  Are you looking for biological / evolutionary theories about why maaaaany animals show same sex sexual activity?

  Are you looking for an anthropology/historical analysis of how human sexuality has been expressed in different ways and had very different norms and taboos than our current blend?

  Or are you asking individuals to talk about their own experience and what lead them to identify as whatever?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I have to be knowledgeable about a particular superstition in order to sign in to access a government form⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Zoloft been in use since 1991, and “Is that your phone?” was a perfectly cromulent thing to say in the 90s, meaning “do I hear your land-line ringing?” not “is that your pocket computer on the table there?”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨flouride⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Talking about the ocean is odd, but there are towns in the UK (and most countries I’d assume?) where the natural level of fluoride is higher than the concentration they aim for when adding fluoride. I think that’s a pretty good argument for it being safe - the people of Hartlepool have been drinking fluoride rich water for 13 centuries and don’t have any noticeable issues compared to the rest OF County Durham.