I agree with almost everything you said except 4. is only true for past mistakes. I don’t think you should excuse ongoing, genuinely harmful behaviours just because that person will be gone one day. Not that I necessarily think that’s what you meant but I wanted to emphasise it.
whaleross@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
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Your dad cheated on your mum, not on you.
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Everything involving humans is more complex and complicated than it might seem at first glance.
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Everybody makes mistakes, even your loved ones.
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You only have one dad, so it’s better to forgive them. (I didn’t forgive mine for other mistakes, and that was my mistake. Now I’m old and he is dead and that’s that.)
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Your mum is being selfish and manipulative because she is afraid and hurting. It’s not right what she is doing, but see the points above for her as well.
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Life is hard and unfair and difficult for everybody. For your dad, for your mum and also for you. It sucks when you’re stuck in the middle of other people’s problems, but remember all of this will pass. And remember to take care of yourself.
Hugs my dude. You’ll get through this and so will they.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
whaleross@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Absolutely. That post was not a list of commandments. It was intended as support for OP in this very moment that they are having a crisis.
Alxe@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Honestly, I’m very happy that your post has the highest score.
All other people are spewing vitriol over either parent and not even trying to be understanding. Life is about making and learning from mistakes, and mistakes can be oh-so-horrible at times. Character value is measured by how well you navigate the stormy waves, and there’s almost never a single correct choice.
UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
One choice is helping a faithful parent grieve, the other is to say fuck you to that person and stand by a cheater.
Such a difficult choice.
Grainne@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Have you considered the fact that one is a woman? Clearly it is all our fault.
UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Oh wait? This isn’t about 2 gay men so its equal?
Ahhh. Yeah. Its all her fault. I understand OPs dilemma now
whaleross@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Thanks. Yeah, anything relationship oriented tends to become completely and binary moral high ground burn all bridges and salt the earth from people that have no stake in it except to have a short moment of hormones pumping before they scroll to the next bit of entertainment.
Mrkawfee@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This is a wise response.
UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
There’s a bit of difference between making a mistake and stabbing your partner in the back. He could have done it the right way, but he chose to do one of the most emotional hurtful things you can do.
He betrayed family to get laid
whaleross@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Point number 2. Read it again.
As of why, we can only speculate. Sometimes a disaster is what is required to get things happening that should have been over a long time ago.
They are living together already, so it was not only to get laid.
UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
whaleross@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Exactly. She moved in after. You are absolutely correct. 10/10 reading comprehension.
It would be unusual if she moved in before the ex wife moved out.
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Staying makes it pretty clear OP is choosing a side. Theyde rather have a cool friend dad than an actual parent
FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Mac@mander.xyz 3 weeks ago
There are no ‘sides’.