Comment on would getting back with an ex be a bad idea?
socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Being in poor mental health isn’t an excuse for ghosting. Ghosting suggests he doesn’t value your wellbeing over his own: it’s a pretty cruel thing to do to someone, and deeply selfish. You’re still young. In your shoes, I think I’d explore other relationships before diving back into one with several red flags.
drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
i also notice that although he’s bi, he’d only talk about hot men (especially fictional), wouldn’t mention me to other people, and would talk to me about his crushes as if we were just good friends. he would also try to make moves with some of them, presumably not telling them about me
socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
It sounds like you already know the answer to your question :)
drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
thanks ❤️ ig cuz it’s so recent and i still harbor some old feelings, i feel like he can change
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Never expect people to change for the better. It isn’t impossible, but it is unlikely without some kind of major event in their lives that they learn from.
Shirasho@lemmings.world 23 hours ago
People can change, but don’t put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. I can’t say for sure what kind of person this is since I’ve never met the guy, but I can tell you that you will be waiting a long time if he is behaving how you described. Communication is incredibly important as a foundation for a relationship, and ghosting indicates they won’t be able to discuss things with you when things get really bad. This is a skill that is learned young and it is harder to learn it with age.
Let that flame die out and only let it be reignited if the person makes real effort to really talk to you.
Contramuffin@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Change isn’t necessarily impossible, but it’s really difficult and requires a huge amount of self discipline - if someone changes, they will be a standout exception rather then the norm. I urge you to consider that someone who ghosts you likely does not value you enough to be willing or able to put in the effort to change. Ghosting is deeply rude to do to anyone, and especially toward your significant other.
Take my interpretation with a mountain of salt, because I don’t know the full story. But, from what you said, it seems more likely that he reached out to you because you were a convenient backup
socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
That’s a normal way to feel. It’s okay to still care about him, but it sounds to me like there are a lot of reasons to move on. It’s also probably the best way to help him grow up himself