cool so my other post thingy got taken down but uhm guys im a biological girl like i have a vag and all btw

how do i stop feeling ugly i feel like a monster the only times i feel pretty are after starving myself (or trying to atleast) or after i relapse most of the time i fee like a monster i know im not ugly but i feel it and its just constantly in the back of my head maybe i was a rapist in my past life and this is my punishment given from god i dont know i also feel like a poser cause i havent attempted suicide, theres a really high bridge near my old school but the way there is mega far andi barely have the motivation to stand up and eat so i dont know how id even get there. if i had a gun id prolly do it, id try overdosing again but the thought of having charcoal shoved down my throat is a no. okay thats al im gonna do homework now maybe il prolly just doomscroll but watev bai