Hello friend, In this post we shall identify another case of couple fault-lines, which usually militates against efforts aimed at  eliminating relationship conflicts.

That bottleneck is Discord.

Please tag along through the following linked sub-topics:

When A Couple Is Lost In Discord

Possible Causes Of Discord

Its Effective Antidotes

Couples Lost In Discordant Tunes

Let us explore the features of a discordant relationship, identify its root causes, and discover practical remedies we can apply to them.

Ultimately, our major purpose is to  change the narrative and transform the tunes from discordant to harmonious.

To get us started, we need to truly understand what the situation is truly all about. 

The keyword here is Discord 

What does that even describe?

Discord (in music) represents dissonance or disharmony in musical sound output - by being harsh and unpleasant.

Can you just close your eyes and imagine this?:

You turn on the local FM radio., or load a disc or cassette on your player.

Probably you are in a nostalgic mood, or melancholic. 

Maybe you are just feeling low or even sad.

You want an uplifting music, a sound of melody, something sweet and pleasurable that can soften your mood and give you some sort of relief.

However, what issues from your set instead are harsh and terrible tunes which jerk your blood pressures up and worsen your situation four times over!

Simply put, they end up aggravating your headache rather than removing or at least reducing them.

That is what happens when a relationship is overwhelmed by couple fault-lines or when conflicts occur frequently, because they obviously find it hard to co-exist harmoniously.

Living together in discord is a terrible thing.

It’s not only going to feature constant personal clashes,  individual ideas, sentiments and habits are equally going to gnash the teeth at one another too.

For such a couple, seeing eyeball-to-eyeball can only be a pipe dream., hence they  always release contradictory tunes and can never agree on anything. 

Perchance you are entertaining any hope that they could work out a meeting point between them? 

Chances are that you’ve got to gear up for disappointment. because, sadly, compromise is usually the first item of sacrifice where harmony is missing.

As a matter of fact,. such a situation could make you an unwilling witness to the following features:

negative emotions

divisive interactions

regular quarreling

contradictory behaviour

Endless blame game

Unending criticism of each other 

Distrust, Suspicion, and Insecurity

Lack of intimacy

Communication gap

discordant tunes

Broken connections

Emotional strain, stress, and dissatisfaction 

If you’ve experienced that before, then you know what I am talking about. It doesn’t involve any rocket science.

Both of you are either on the same page, or you are not.

I remember some moments in my past when this could be me we are discussing right now.

Then, whenever I saw a couple living compatibly and peacefully, what  I usually felt was wistfulness - which means being in a state of melancholy and longimg for something you lacked but wished you had.

Common Causes Of Discord

Having said all these, let us now try to identify some of the immediate causes of discordant tunes.

  1. Communication Gap:  

This happens when partners are unable to  relate effectively and positively because there’s a great void separating them.

The common saying that  It Takes Two To Tango, means absolutely nothing if  communication is missing.

Empathizing, interacting, listening actively - call it what you will, it’s all about communicating.

If this is absent, you can only expect  misunderstandings and disharmony. 

  1. Irreconcilable clash of spending habits

That shout-fest you are hearing right this moment from the next door?

It could be your neighbours quarreling over money issues.

Yes, we all have different attitudes.

One partner might believe in spending judiciously and  wisely, while the other could be careless and reckless.

If we consider that in a union financial responsibilities could be  pooled or shared, it will be easy for us to understand how financial indiscipline by one person  can negatively affect the other.

3.  Lack of support system:

Active support is the live wire of successful relationships.

It is the fuel which drives the wheels of the partnership.

If support is lacking, the whole contraption can fall apart like a pack of cards, much sooner rather than later.

Some of the essential emotional support systems are intimacy, affection, empathy (to mention just a few).

4   Emotional Instability:

Lack of self-control can also create problems between you and your partner.

Imagine that you always lose your temper, or you can’t hold your emotions in check. 

Especially when it concerns your anger, which can result from  transferred aggression, addiction, wrong assumptions, etc.

Obviously, if you cannot control your mood or discipline your temper around your spouse, it’s going to be a long night of discordant tunes indeed.

5.  Reckless Blame Games

When a couple engages in open quarrel,  one out of two things must be at play:

A protest or complaint

A blame game.

The second activity is the most common, when partners embark on trading blames.

Instead of identifying what the problem could be, they would enter into cycles of apportioning blames.

The result? 

Aside from  being a common factor which causes disagreements, it gets nobody anywhere and nothing gets solved.

6.  Betrayal of trust:

When trust is broken, the very foundations of a relationship becomes shaken or destroyed.

One serious activity  that represents a betrayal and which naturally boils up tempers, is infidelity. 

Most partners find it unforgivable when their spouses engage in extramarital affairs with third parties.

Coupled with this, is a record of broken promises and unreliable utterances. 

These behaviours undeniably create trust issues amongst partners 

  1. Inattention and Neglect:

Again, some quarrels stem from a series of inattention and neglect. 

In relationships, it is unproductive and inciting to be unresponsive and insensitive.

There’s so much a person can bear. 

Nothing can flare up flames of pent–up anger like ignoring the needs and preferences of your partner does. 

If it becomes a regular thing, you can be sure that something’s going to snap somewhere eventually.

  1. Too Much expectations:

We all want something from one another. 

When people enter into a relationship, they usually come with preset mindsets of what they expect from the other guy.

That’s normal, of course.

If you have dated somebody for any length of time, or been friends with them over time, you feel you know them well enough.

However, you should be careful about what you expect from them. 

Don’t set the standard too high, otherwise they might not meet up.

When disappointments set in from unfulfilled hopes, it can’t take too long before disagreements bring up their ugly heads.

  1. Power struggles for supremacy and  control: 

Like a captain on a ship.

Most discordant tunes start from bossy attitudes.

Sometimes it can become too difficult for two guys to comprehend that once they tie the nuptial knot, equality should become their daily watchword and moderator.

If you called their union a ship, it certainly shouldn’t have a single captain, because authority is supposed to be shared if a union must survive.

Problems will definitely arise whereby any of them starts claiming superiority and trying to lord it over the other person.

  1. Absence of gratitude and appreciation 

As in everything else, gratitude or appreciation is very important for the survival of every relationship.

This is actually a logical requirement.

For example, if you can’t appreciate your partner, you will never see anything good in whatever he or she does.

By that same yardstick, being unappreciative means you won’t feel the need to express gratitude to anybody.

This attitude in turn can create negative feelings or a sense of being unappreciated.

Typically, that’s a fertile breeding ground for disagreements or discord.

  1. Unfriendly Secretiveness:

If you are unnecessarily secretive, you can harm your partnership.

Add to this mix the following: 

inconsiderate

careless, and  

unhelpful.

All of these are birds of the same feather.

A secretive person is not likely going to share anything with you, and by extension may not show any worthwhile consideration and care for you.

All said and done, it only sets the stage for a season of arguments and disaffection.

10 Antidotes To Discordant Tunes

1. Communicate Openly

Needless to say, relationship is all about communicating.

However, that may either be negative or positive.

In my own view, if you two are communicating wrongly and playing discordant tunes, the result could be unfriendly and combative.

On the other hand, if you are nteracting the right or proper way  and both of you are on the same page, that’s a positive thing.

This will enable you to have a good rapport together and ensures that you have an harmonious relationship.

2.  Be Gentle and Respectful

Also, respect is key.

Nobody likes to co-exist with an abusive partner, spouse or friend.

Nothing else can ignite shout-fests the way disrespect does.

You should ensure that you show respect for one another’s feelings, preferences, opinions and ideas, and a whole lot of other individual values which you both brought to your marital or partnership table.

By doing this, you will be able to avoid offending yourselves and thereby eliminate the chances of quarreling.

3.  Be Grateful and Appreciate Your Partner

In my own opinion, one of the commonest causes of inter-personal showdown  is lack of gratitude and appreciation.

When people fail to cherish themselves they can never truly be grateful for what they have.

Remember that saying, that we don’t really appreciate what we have until we lose it?

You should cherish your partner. Be thankful and satisfied with what’s on ground rather than looking for manna to fall from heaven.

The bottom line is, you are all both of you have got and you can only succeed if you stick together and encourage each other.

Gratitude is an energy source that powers the engine of relationships to every next level.

It also prevents clashes and discordant tunes.

4.   Lower Your Expectations

Yes, lower them!

If you raise the stakes too high or expect too much performance from your partner, you may just receive a rude shock.

What happens if they cannot meet your standards or measure up?

Remember that this is a two-way traffic: what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.

It means that if you apply unrealistic expectations to your partner, two can always play that same game.

All things considered therefore, I think there’s  logical sense in your minimizing your expectations and making sure that they are realistic, and not cast in store.

In this way you can save yourself from being disappointed or generating any form of disaffection.

5.    Support Your Partner

We all know that without support, nothing in life can stand or survive.

Support is a key element to achieve success.

Let me tell you what you may lose if you are denied support , or rather how that might negatively affect your progress in life.

It can:

Discourage you

Kill your ambition

Make you to abandon a good idea or project.

Partners need credible support from one another, such as emotional motivation, ntimacy, affection, trust, and loyalty, etc, so that they can make progress and  live together in peace.

6.  Be Attentive and Responsive

It is very important to give attention to your spouse, friend or partner.

This gives them a sense of being wanted, relevant, and valued.

Listen Actively to what they say.

Be fully on ground and present-minded. 

Not just this.

Be Responsive too. Do something about their complaints, grievances, or requests.

This is one of the essential ways to avoid trouble.

7.   Be Forgiving and Accommodating

To sustain your connection, whether it’s a marriage, partnership, or friendship, you need to have a forgiving heart.

I believe that this is a basic and fundamental requirement for relationship success.

You. Have. To. Forgive. 

If you don’t, your togetherness is not going to work.

It’s as simple and factual as that.

Of course you must offend one another, because I’ve never met a perfect human being in life.

Have you?

The teeth and tongue quarrel too and you feel the pain of the bite, but hey! where can either if them run to?

They learn to forgive and keep on living together, so that’s all you two must do.

Through forgiveness you can become accommodating and gain better understanding of yourselves.

8.   Be Self-disciplined

Discipline is everything in life.

I regard it as a credible code of conduct and self-bearing which positively guides how people handle issues and relate with one another.

Self-discipline is important, you need it to co-exist harmoniously with each other.

It will enable you to manage issues and resources effectively and prevent abuse or misuse.

It will also assist you to avoid having problems with your partner.

9.   Never Play The Blame Game

As I hinted earlier while identifying causes of discord, it’s not a positive habit to trade blames with your partner.

Doing so can only lead to quarrels.

I mean, what’s done is already done and nothing good can ever come out of crying over spilt milk.

Instead of engaging in fruitless acts of finding who to blame for the mistakes or  problems, it will be more productive for you all to sit down together to find lasting solutions to them.

10…    Be tolerant, Sharing, and Inclusive

Finally, it’s very important that you should be tolerant, unjudgemental, and avoid condemning your partner, spouse, or friend.

When your behaviour or attitude is condescending or patronizing, it suggest that you are doing the following:

talking down to others patronizingly, as if you are superior to them; and,

acting as if you are more intelligent, capable, and knowledgeable than other people

In effect, it can make people feel you are being insultive, demeaning, or belittling them.

You and I know that here’s the root of so many furious lash-outs and angry exchange of words in relationships.

Therefore, to avoid this,  try to share your thoughts and ideas freely and  inclusively.

Correct yourselves without condemning anyone and without being patronizing or condescending.