Comment on Anon meets up with a girl

• papalonian@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Like if I said that people who ride bicycles are physically fit, I wouldn’t be implying that everyone who is physically fit rides bicycles

  Right, but if you were a fat guy who cycled to and from work every day and you made a comment online about how unhappy you are with your body, don’t you see how…

  “Guys: ride a bike, go outside, stop driving down the street to get the mail. Exercise is sexy”

  … might make you feel like there’s something wrong with you? “Man, if all the advice anyone should need is, ‘go ride a bike’, and it isn’t working for me, what the hell is wrong with me? I’m fucked.”

  So yeah, I understand that it’s just bullshit generic “advice” meant to “help” people, but when you’re struggling to figure out why people won’t give you the time of day and everyone says that all you gotta do is take a shower and people will find you attractive, you’re not in a mind state to go, “hey, I already did that, so it doesn’t apply to me/ I shouldn’t consider it”. You think, “so everyone ranks me with the guy who doesn’t shower”, “there’s no point in trying because I’ve already done what everyone said”, “there’s something inherently wrong with me/ women/ men/ society because the system works for everyone but me” etc etc etc.

  And actually no. “Take a shower and wear clean clothes” is almost never meant as genuine advice to help someone out. It’s a tongue in cheek insult, directed at men like OOP who dared to express their loneliness online, meant to belittle them and make the commenter feel superior over someone desperately looking for companionship.

  If someone who has been studying hard says they’ve been struggling with math, is “bro, read a math book. Do some actual sample problems. Stop blowing off your homework.” advice, or a condescending insult?

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  • workerONE@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Nobody says that’s ALL you have to do. How are you taking this personally? How do you think the tip is secretly meant as an insult? I can see that if you’ve thought about this a lot and tried many things, I see how it could be frustrating to see simple tips like this. Regardless, your reading more into people’s personalities and their intentions than is really there.

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• ladicius@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You hit the nail on its head.

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