Ok, here’s what you do. Basic step 1, and I can’t believe I even have to say this…but you GOTTA show up 45 minutes late, and completely wasted. Wearing clothes that have been worn daily for years, but never once washed.

Then, you INSIST there’s no drugs in your system, and you’ll give them a free urine sample right now! That’s when you whip out your cock, and power wash the judges face with your urine from 10 feet away.

Next…you need to INSIST you know the legal proceedings of a court better than the judge, the baliff, the cops in the courthouse, any public defenders or lawyers in attendance. YOU get to tell THEM what to do. Rememer, you’re entitled to everything you demand. They’ll respect you so much more for knowing how these things work. You’d be surprised how many disrespectful assholes show up in a suit, with combed hair, and brushed teeth, totally sober! It’s a disgrace that they would accept responsibility by saying they made a mistake, and plead no contest. How do they expect to have anal sex with the judge, and super models, and do cocaine, when there’s no reason for them to fear you. That’s how the world works!