Thanks for the kind words/wishes yesterday, and low for reaching out
I just want to clarify in case I’ve sent the weekly message, I’m okay. Well I’m about 30% okay, but I’ll get through it.
I left because over the last few months I’ve really just felt like a burden pretty much any time I say anything. It’s not entirely because of what I say, but I think more often because I realise that everyone else, whether here or not, has much larger issues, while I’m off complaining about minor things in approximately 7,000 worse per comment. I tried to fix that by cutting down on what I say, how often I’m here, and by trying to help other people when I could, or otherwise try and be openly empathetic (I used to hold off because I thought that “aw I’m sorry such and such is happening to you. Hope it stops happening soon!” sounded too much like a hollow statement, despite finding it very helpful when people would reply to my troubles similarly). But usually I ended up figuring out a way to make it about me, which was pretty awful of me, and I almost deleted my account a few weeks ago when I realised. But I took a little break instead
The break doesn’t seem to have helped, I think I’m just genuinely shit at anything that’s not a 1 sided dialogue. I hate that, and to be honest, kind of despise myself for it. Probably a side effect of not having many friends when I was younger so not developing proper social skills, and being in care for so long, where everything very much is one sided and hollow. But in any case, it’s a deficit that I realise I have, and can’t seem to be able to fix. But I think because of that, I’m not a very good person to interact with, so until I do work it out, I just don’t think I do anyone any good being around here
But I do sincerely appreciate the help and advice everybody here had given me. You are all amazing people, and I’m sorry for the troubles I’ve caused
I’ll be back one day, but I don’t think I should come back until I know I can do better. I actually think that may come naturally once I move out and into an environment more conducive to good mental helath
✌️
TheWitchofThornbury@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Baku, you are NOT a burden. For many of us you’re a shining light. Social skills is something we all struggle with from time to time, and you do as well as any and better than some. Growing up is hard work, and even harder for those that are self-aware. I, for one, value very much your willingness to communicate. We may never meet you in person, but I think we all have a pretty strong liking for you, and much respect for your courage and good heart.
But you do you. We will be here when you feel you are ready to resume transmission.