The sun is the male of its species, and it’s appearance is bright and flashy, used to attract a mate. Unfortunately there’s no female stars nearby. So the poor, stupid thing has spent billions of years courting Jupiter instead.

But not only is Jupiter a whole different species, it already has a mate - Saturn. You can easily tell that Jupiter’s the male because of its own flashy coloration. Plus, you can even see the ring it gave Saturn when they got married, as well as it’s own much more modest wedding ring.