Comment on Anon misses something

• Alinor@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

  This is not direct at all though. Direct is “my shift is almost done, do you want to hang out later?”. Being direct means you do actually have to include saying what you want.

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  • Technus@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    Yeah, even when you’re 99% sure the person is flirting with you, you gotta balance that with what might happen if you’re wrong.

    Read the situation wrong and you could end up handcuffed on the sidewalk with pepper spray in your eyes.

    Fuck that. If not being willing to take that risk means dying alone, I’ll choose the latter.

    And what about from the woman’s perspective? Do you really want strange men making guesses about whether you’re flirting with them or not? Knowing exactly what could happen if the wrong guy gets the wrong idea and won’t take “no” for an answer?

    I’m not trying to victim-blame or make excuses for anyone. But there’s nothing to win by playing these kinds of mind games, so what’s the fucking point?

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    • SmoothOperator@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

      What on earth are you talking about?

      There’s nothing easier than just explicitly checking in whether you’ve read the signals correctly or not before making any creepy moves.

      Tip #1 for flirting: Make sure that the other person has a very easy way out of anything they might not like. Then you know they’re enthusiastically consenting for whatever comes next.

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      • Technus@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

        Make sure that the other person has a very easy way out of anything they might not like. Then you know they’re enthusiastically consenting for whatever comes next.

        Well yes, absolutely. Consent is paramount and enthusiastic consent is the best kind. Bad choice of hyperbole on my part, I’ll admit.

        But even so, if you’re not conventionally attractive or charismatic, even just checking can result in getting treated like a creep. The people who constantly say “they worst they can say is no” have likely never gotten “eww, no” as a response before.

        But if you have, especially more than once, you kinda just get used to assuming that’s the default answer. That’s kind of what I was getting at.

        I’d rather just not have to guess.

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      • Soulg@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

        One of the most common things in threads about missed signals is people with social skills assuming that everybody is equally capable in social situations

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• taladar@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

  In the context of a conversation about people who come in just before closing it could also just be taken as a hint that he is one of those people.

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  • Manalith@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    Yeah, if I was smoother with women, I’d have probably gone with ‘is that you trying to make weekend plans, or telling me to gtfo?’ but in a casual way so she knows I’m not offended.

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  • BrowseMan@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    That’s… How I took it before reading the comments…

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  • Manalith@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    Yeah, if I was smoother with women, I’d have probably gone with ‘is that you trying to make weekend plans, or telling me to gtfo?’ but in a casual way so she knows I’m not offended.

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