Depends on your standards of ‘attractiveness’ and that of the people you associate with. I don’t consider myself that attractive, but I’ve had multiple women make the first move on me after treating them like normal people and getting to know them as friends. That sort of behavior has its benefits :)
But I might be a special case, in that my proclivities mean I hang out in circles where women know they can feel safe to make moves without dudes being dudebros or have any expectation of ‘the implication’ being in play.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Men’s attractiveness is not very reliant on looks. Men are attractive to women mostly when they are successful and prosocial. So by getting out and improving his social skills, a man changes his own level of attractiveness.
Even the texture of the body changes with social status. Your postures get more attractive. Your body fills with the hormones that make your every action sexier. Heck, women find muscles attractive.
A man’s level of attractiveness is basically malleable. Any man who’s thinking of himself as “ugly” is just giving himself cover to give up on improving himself.
someacnt_@lemmy.world 4 months ago
That’s the thing - You say that like being prosocial is malleable property, but imo it is even more difficult to change than appearance.
Passerby6497@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Sad you’re getting downvoted for saying the truth, but I’ve met plenty of dudes who can’t wrap their heads around this. But as a dude who is pretty far from ‘conventional attractiveness’, you’re 100% right.
I had similar feelings about myself in my teenage years, and it led to me doing all kinds of behaviors that self-sabotaged any interest women had in me (and led to a really toxic relationship in high school). But “surprisingly”, after I gave up on the stereotypical proto-dudebro/PUA behavior and focused on myself, I ended up making a few really cool female friends and that’s literally why I have a wife lol. Improving myself mentally (I was fat af at that time) led to finding a LTR before I did any work to get to a reasonable weight. After shedding that weight, I’ve since had multiple relationships that were started by the woman instead of me. Hell, our current girlfriend made the first moves for our relationship too lol.