Comment on Anon has nerdy hobbies

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MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

Ok, I hear you on that, but…

It doesn’t really fix the problem, does it? Sure, the guys don’t end up distracted by someone with female physical characteristics, but when they interact with those people later, they’re still socially inept, creepy guys.

Which isn’t to mention it basically excludes any women from participating, which isn’t very fair to the women who would appreciate the opportunity to join, limiting their options for positive interactions.

It can also reinforce the negative behavior, since they’re probably forced into those spaces because any space that isn’t men-only, they’ve made so awkward and uncomfortable for the women that they’ve been asked to leave. So a nontrivial number of these problematic people are going to be funneled into men-only types of spaces, and they’ll play off of eachother incel opinions, producing a confirmation bias that’s hard to dispel.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m a guy, and I was the creepy dude in my younger years. I tried to be more subtle about it, but I recognize a lot of the incel opinions as opinions I once had or at least considered. I broke out of it through having some rather strong female friends who very bluntly told me when something wasn’t okay. After a while of that, I realized that if you look past gender, and just treat everyone basically the same in all circumstances and don’t be a fucking incel, then you can actually develop friendships with people regardless of their gender, and, as I discovered, once you’re friendly with someone who you find attractive who also is fond of you, it can turn into more than just friendship. Once I put these pieces together, my entire life improved.

By essentially labeling them as a problem and putting them into their own little echo chamber, it will likely make the problem worse, not better.

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