Comment on How do I stop wanting to be on a relationship?
Boozilla@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Relationships are about giving. It’s a cliche, but the more you put into a relationship, the more you’re going to get out of it. And I don’t mean this in the transactional sense. I don’t mean you do something nice for your partner then they do something nice for you in return. It’s more like: the more you value the person, the more you will feel fulfilled when you do loving things for them. It’s easier to understand when you’re doing it. This didn’t mean you sacrifice all of your own wants and needs for the other person. However, a “me first” mindset is looking at a loving relationship backwards. You should want to make the other person happy, they should be a big priority in your life. A person is not a product that we buy and then hope we like owning it.
I learned these things the hard way. 35 years later and I still have deep regrets.
tigerjerusalem@lemmy.world 7 months ago
I have trouble giving, specially after surviving a long abusive marriage. I divorced years ago but I guess some scars still remains.
RBWells@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Give yourself some grace - I noted in my reply that my husband, coming out of an abusive relationship had the string of two years relationships but we are solid, twelve years now and it doesn’t feel like a long time. I had a different experience, though also was coming out of a relationship that had become physically abusive. There are things I have had to unlearn.
You say you are working with a therapist, that should help, but again, you aren’t broken. All of what you are feeling sounds normal.