This is insane.
Other people are not psychic. They cannot read people’s minds.
Comment on Female approached by man
cecilkorik@lemmy.ca 5 hours ago
It is totally reasonable to react the way you did. You don’t owe it to other people to be comfortable around them. They should be thinking about what they can do to make you comfortable, ideally before they do it, and this guy clearly wasn’t. If it is because of some disability or something that’s totally plausible too, but that’s his problem and his cross to bear, not yours. You weren’t rude or cruel, but you were uncomfortable, and you’re allowed to be. If he is capable of learning from that, maybe he will, and I think it would be a good lesson for him to learn.
You don’t have to feel bad about it, it makes sense that you regret how the interaction turned out after the fact, but that regret comes from the additional information and processing time you had afterwards to think about it. If you want to reconsider that guy as a possibly decent fellow who deserves another chance in retrospect that’s alright, and maybe if you see him again you can extend a little more tolerance for his behavior if you think it’s safe. But it doesn’t mean you were wrong in the first place. In general, you should trust your instincts and listen to them, they’re just trying to keep you safe, and better safe than sorry. You should not have to be scared of a man sitting down next to you, but the way some men act in the world we live in, you have every right to. It’s sad, but it’s realistic, and you are not responsible for solving this problem on society’s behalf. When we’ve built a society where you can have a man sit next to you and feel safe about it, then that’ll be great. But we’re not there yet.
AskewLord@piefed.social 3 hours ago
cecilkorik@lemmy.ca 3 hours ago
I’d say that’s a little bit overly dramatic take on what I was trying to say. I understand where you’re coming from, but I wasn’t calling for anyone to read any minds. But a little bit of sensitivity to the facts and statistics is not an unreasonable ask:
Approximately 4.7 million women in Canada — 30% of all women aged 15 and older — have been sexually assaulted outside of an intimate relationship at least once since age 15. [Source: Statistics Canada, 2019]
That’s almost 1/3 of women, that’s a serious statistic, and it means that, as a man, you have a responsibility to approach unfamiliar women with at least a reasonable measure of respect for their safety and comfort. And it doesn’t even account for any potential bias towards exactly the sort of “attractive” women who tend to get approached by men much more frequently than others because they are in fact attractive: they literally attract these sort of situations and you can’t assume it’s because they choose to.
For someone throwing around accusations of being entitled and self-absorbed, you sound very much like you’re in fact the one saying ‘everyone else should cater to me and they are shitty if they don’t do that’.
AskewLord@piefed.social 2 hours ago
I’ve been raped by women. More than one.
I don’t assume every woman I meet is a rapist.
Because women aren’t rapists. Rapists are rapists.
feelings67@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I’ve worked in some dangerous settings and had to be a bit firmer and these suggestions have been helpful while still being clear!
glimse@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
I agree that OP’s reaction was reasonable but what about the guy’s actions make it so clear to you that he wasn’t thinking about OP’s comfortability? They tried to strike up a friendly conversation and backed off immediately when it wasn’t well-received.
It’s fine to not want to talk but people really shouldn’t have to avoid basic human interaction just because 1% of people might not be interested at that time.