Oh damn. I have seen shadows dart across.

The hardest was seeing a blurry image of my little baby princess cat Mable. She had passed during Christmas and it was a week after. I just couldn’t sleep. Blaming myself for not knowing she was sick or the way she got sick could’ve been prevented.

I was 33, in a vets office, letting our wails of sorrow and pain. On my knees begging a God I don’t believe in to save a cat I stole from it’s abusive owners.

So I was distraught for a while. I’m even tearing up typing this.

I saw her out the corner of my eye and heard her little chirps she would do to greet me when I got home. I turned my head so quickly and went "Mable!?’ Then it hit me…she wasn’t there. She was gone and I’d never see her again.

It haunts me to this day and I feel, honest to the Universe, that I hear her in other rooms and see her run by the corner of my eye.

I’d be lying if I said sometimes I hope the hallucinating would get to a point to see her fully and tell her how sorry I am I failed her and how I wish I wouldn’t have been so busy being a father and a husband that I could have seen she needed me. To tell her that she her little cat life left such an impact on me that I choose to confront life with more kindness and love, just like she would do.

Ugh sorry. Got emotional there.